You know how conversations go after midnight with that one person you're really close with? Yeah, this is one those times when you both go into that part of your deepest, emotional consciousness.
She blurted it out like she really meant it. I believe in this too by the way, I do think loving someone COULD be a choice... that it can be learned over time. It was just a little different when you hear it at 1 am and all you hear is that phrase alone.
We had this conversation on September 29, 2017. I knew I was gonna write something about this eventually. I was hoping I could finish it by Valentine's day, or at least on a February, but I was just way too busy with real stuff for the past year, So I had to save a template titled "Sparks vs Practicality" just to remind me about it.
Before I go into the whole thing. I just want to clarify what is what in our perspective, and what's the actual back story on why we had to talk about this.
I think it started when we both realized that most of the people we know are already in a relationship, or married or living together. We realized that we're not getting any younger and that society dictates we should be doing the same too. It was so freaking funny and sad at the same time. I believe her defense was not finding the right person yet, and mine was not being ready.
Throughout our conversation, we grew bitter. Naturally we had to consider evaluating all our friends' relationships. Perhaps we wanted to talk shit, nitpick or merely dissect every little detail to prove that they did the wrong thing marrying early or being in a relationship at a young age, or perhaps we just have to feel like we're still doing the right thing, and that we are still on the right path. That we are doing what is supposed to be done during our age, during this time. We were bitter as fuck.
"Kung ikaw ang nasa kalagayan ni ano, sa tingin mo ba yun ang buhay na gusto mo?", sabi ko, "Kung kasal ka na nga ngayon, masaya ka ba?" sabi nya. "Kung may anak ka na, kaya mo bang suportahan sa kalagayan mo ngayon?" sabi ko. "Kung makikitira ka ba sa pamilya nya, matitiis mo ba? sabi nya.
Umabot na nga ng madaling araw yung ganong usapan. Pero hindi parin maiaalis na may parte saming pareho na malungkot... at kung totohanan lang... ingit.
"Kasi bakit ganon, kahit ganon yung sitwasyon, bakit parang masayang masaya silang lahat. Parang wala silang problema lahat." Sabi ko. Bakit parang pag nakikita ko yung mga FB posts nila parang wala silang pagdududa na tama lahat ng naging desisyon nila."
Sabi niya "Kasi hindi naman nila ilalagay sa FB yung mga oras na malungkot sila diba, o nagaaway, o kung may problema sila sa pera o wala" Sumang ayon naman ako. Sumangayon naman din siya.
Eto yung mga panahong parehas kaming tigang na tigang. Natatandaan ko eto yung mga oras na tinamaan ako ng lintik na homesickness. Yung taena talaga walang wala. Yung tipong kahit may mga kaibigan ka dito pakiramdam mo nagiisa ka talaga. Ewan ko ba. Basta nagulat nalang din ako na nung nag viber siya, parehas pala kaming asa ganong stado, yung estado na parang nagiisa ka kahit hindi naman.
Sabi ko rin sakanya. Maswerte ka nga e, asa Pinas ka. Lumabas ka lang jan, mag bar, makakahanap ka kaagad ng
ligaya. Yung ligayang nakakatirik ng mata at nakakapulikat ng paa. Kahit hindi relasyon agad. Yung fling, hook up lang.
Ayaw nya daw ng ganoon, haha siguro dahil sympre babae parin siya, at kahit papaano, importante parin and dignidad.
Binalik niya naman sakin yung tanong, sabi ko, Parang ayoko ata dito. Parang ang hirap kasi dito. Pano ka maghahanap, lalo pa't di ko alam kung san ko isisiksik yung social life ko sa dalawang trabaho. Ni-wala nga kong off.
Kaya siguro sabik na sabik lagi akong umuwe every year. Kasi sa Pinas lang ako nakakahanap ng ligayang nakakatirik ng mata at nakakapulikat ng paa.
Sabi niya, wag daw kasi libog lang ang hanapin ko, hanapin ko din daw yung pangmatagalan.
Boom! Ayun na. Dito na nagsimula yung actual topic kung kelangan ba talaga may SPARKS? o yung connection, attraction, yung tipong intimacy, yung inspiration. Sparks lang yung ginamit naming term para masarap pakinggan. O kelangan bang maging practical na sa panahon ngayon? yung tipong "Okay na yan, lamang tyan din yan, o kaya, kelangan mo lang naman talaga yung kahati sa groceries e. tipong anak lang naman ang habol niyo sa isat isa sa bandang huli.
Honestly, I have no idea which one I believe in anymore. I used to think it should be easy you know. Like loving someone should be natural, a no-brainer. You like each other and you'd make it against all odds. Love is the answer and love is all there is. But that's not how it works in real life, does it? It's more complicated than that apparently. You literally wanna smash someone's head who still believes in this. I personally just stay away from this kinds of people or topic just because I got so realistic, to the point where I just don't think romance is necessary anymore.
Everyone ends up breaking up anyway, or at least grow to hate each other late on. There are those who just stays in a marriage only for the kids, or probably just because, there's no life after that anymore. Done. You feel done.
So yeah.. do you actually need to feel the sparks to be in a relationship? The real relationship. The adult kind. Currently, if you ask me NOW... right the fuck now. I don't really think so. Some parts of it yes, I still think you have got to be attracted to the person at least. I mean attraction for me is the first thing. Yung kaya mo dapat laplapin yung bibig niya ng hindi nandidiri. Tipong willing kang supsupin yung dila niya ng walang pangaalinlangan. Then, after that, you can learn to love that person. You get to spend time with the person and learn to stay casual, or happy if you're lucky. Eventually you learn to not live without the bond. You get used to being together and the thought of losing that person makes you anxious. That is love. right? I mean it's like Stockholm syndrome, with lesser bondage and chloroform.
Don't get me wrong. Given a chance, of course the traditional way is still the best. If you meet someone who you actually, in the whole sense of the word, love... then good for you! Life is good. No hassle, no inhibitions. Just plain romance.
All I'm saying, the emotional, gooey, rainbows and butterflies part of Love is overrated. I still think faith, understanding, practicality, loyalty, companionship, genuine concern... these are what matters. Passion isn't as important as trust. Humor I believe is even more powerful than passion.
Love is good. But it isn't everything. Love is Bigas, Tubig, Meralco, De Lata at chichirya.
I know. I guess that's why I'm single. What do I know about this shit huh. Fcuk. I know. I don't even know if you believe me when I say that I'm actually very happy now. I guess it has something to do with my finding out about Tinder and actually experiencing life outside home and work, and that I don't have to wait for another year to experience yung ligayang nakakatirik ng mata at nakakapulikat ng paa.
Or maybe because I was right the first time. I simply just don't have time for a relationship yet. I seriously don't know where to put it in my schedule. and I don't really feel like I need one yet. Sperm don't expire right? fuck, does it? Well... regardless, Love maybe this and that... but it can't be forced.
Having said all these... All debates end in a conclusion. A compromise. I guess finding someone is never black and white. It can be both, or it can meet at some point. At the end of the day, you can still be practical and choose, then feel the sparks... but just like any other sparks, they fade.
It's just more fun to be rich and to be loved at the same time, what's wrong with that?
