"Panatang Makabayan, Mejo Iniibig Ko Ang Pilipinas.."

Honestly, I don't know any Filipinos who can truly say that they LOVE the country. Not the way that I do at least. I have a friend who is half Chinese, and when I asked that friend to choose to be either pure Chinese or pure Filipino, my friend without hesitation, wanted to become purely Chinese. I don't remember if I asked why, but I do remember my friend justifying that choice by listing down the things my friend hated about being Filipino.  

Bilang bitter ako at mejo gago, sinabi ko nalang, "Sa tingin mo ba kung ginera tayo ng mga Intsik, tapos pagpapatayin lahat ng mga Pilipino, sa tingin mo ba ililigtas ka nila? Haha sabi niya naman "Siyempre hindi." Malamang. 

Alam kong wala namang patutunguhan yung usapan naming yun. Gusto ko lang siguro siyang masaktan kasi nasaktan ako sa sagot niya. Tanong tanong pa kasi ako.

Mejo OA, alam ko, pero nasasaktan talaga ko kapag may mga Pilipinong mas gugustuhin pang ipinanganak sa ibang lahi. Hindi rin naman nila kasalanan yun, o kumbaga, ano bang pake ko sa gusto nila sa buhay nila. Nai-share lang naman.

There was also that one friend who not necessarily wanted to be born with a different nationality, but would rather live in a western country. See, I don't blame that friend, it is a matter of preference after all. That I understand. If my friend wanted that kind of Western lifestyle, then so be it. Again, it's a matter of preference. It shouldn't actually matter. One should be allowed to emigrate if one desires to.

Pero andami kasi nila. Andami nilang mas gugustuhin sa ibang bansa nalang manirahan. Parang yun na yung pinaka pangarap nila sa buhay. Halos lahat ng Pilipinong nakakausap ko dito, given the chance, they'd rather stay here and live the rest of their lives in Canada. Because why the fuck not? Canada is probably the best country in the world. That's coming from a person who's never been to any other country. Please disregard this opinion. But fuck, life is good here. Life is definitely 85% better here, but life is probably 85% better in any other first-world country, compared to the Philippines anyway. 

I have no fucking idea why I can't seem to let go of the Philippines. Believe me I tried. I tried remembering how shitty the traffic in the Philippines is. I keep on telling myself that WIFI is garbage there. I wanted to hate the country so bad. Just to finally move on and live the rest of my life in this almost perfect haven called Canada. 

But I can't, at least for now.

Lalo't tumaas pa yung interes kong umuwe sa bansa dahil si Duterte na ang presidente. Duterte's rise to the presidency felt like it's the first time in a very long time that Filipinos found a common ground. Not everyone of course, but I personally don't know anyone who hates him based on what I see on my Facebook timeline, which apparently is my source of news.

Yung mga may ayaw lang sa kanya ay yung mga kilala kong sobrang religious, na naiintindihan ko naman. Ayoko din naman na gustuhin nila si Duterte kung totoo ang mga balibalita tungkol sa mga extra-judicial killings. Hayaan ko nalang silang maging banal. Kelangan may balance talaga ang lipunan. Pangit naman kung lahat pabor sa kamatayan ng lahat ng kriminal diba. Masyadong dark. 

Maliban sa mga religious na tao, napansin ko lang din na hindi masyadong pabor yung mga Pinoy na nanirahan na't namuhay sa ibang bansa kay Duterts. Yung mga Pinoy na na-impluwensyahan na ng husto ng kanlurang kaisipan. Yung mga middle-class sa ibang bansa pero elitista pag-nagbakasyon sa Pinas. Yung mga nilamon na ng buo ng maunlad at sibilisadong pamumuhay sa isang First-world country.

Sibilisado. I try to go on twitter and read tweets about Duterte, honestly, I rarely see any Fil-ams who tweet good things about him though. (so I'm gonna fucking use "Fil-ams" to refer to every expats ok?! but it doesn't necessarily mean they're from the US, fuck formalities and political correctness.)  What hurts the most is when you see them agreeing or patronizing an opinion from a foreigner who doesn't know anything about the whole story, or the whole country for that matter. I understand it's their right to say what they feel, or approve of whatever they think is correct, or funny perhaps, but... I just really hope they stayed silent instead you know? 

Believe me, I get that we should be able to criticize the government and all, check and balance and shit, but I kinda wish everyone would just have a conversation on how shitty the Philippines is, with people who lives in it instead... with people who actually cares about the country. But free speech huh. Sige, kwento dito kwento jan, bigay ng masamang opinyon sa bansang nagpalaki sayo hanggang sumaya ang tingin mo sa sarili mo.

I guess what's really bothering me is the fact that Fil-ams are allowed to talk shit about the Philippines all they want and are still able to go on vacation any time they please. You know, they get the best of both worlds. If there's a bombing, or a terrorist attack in the Philippines, they're the first ones to criticize the country, and tells everyone how fortunate they are that they're no longer living there, but come Christmas time, they get to go back and celebrate the fuck out of the lechon and appreciate how fun the holiday season is back home.

Alam mo yun, may krimen sa bansa, hindi ako Pinoy, pag nanalo si Pacqiuao, proud to be Pinoy. Wow. Panalong panalo mga ser mga maam. Galing talaga. Congrats by the way. You won. Talong talo na kami.
Karapatan mo kasi yan e. Kalayaan mong maging balimbing.

Ganito yung pakiramdam ko. May isang magulang na pinaampon yung anak niya sayo. Tinanggap mo ng buong buo yung anak niya at minahal mo na parang sayo. Inalagaan mo't pinalaki at naging successful. Tapos yung tunay na magulang, ayun, nag Japan, namuhay ng matiwasay. Picture picture sa Cherry Blossoms. Nagenjoy sa buhay. Tapos isang araw naisipang bawiin yung anak niya sayo. Tapos yung anak naman sumama sakanya. Tapos ikaw, ayun, naiwan magisa, nageemo.

Sobrang walang ka kwenta-kwenta ang analogy ko, pero yung pakiramdam ng umampon, yun yung pakiramdam ko tuwing may isang Fil-am na nageenjoy sa ibang bansa pero nakukuha paring mag enjoy sa Pinas kahit "sinusumpa sumpa" niya na daw at "hindi na daw babalik". 

What's even worse, is if you actually live in the country and still manage to hate the shit out of it. Like all you do is complain, but have never done anything to contribute to its improvement. I just wish I have the power to send everyone who hates the country to some place else granted they'll NEVER come back. I really feel like we'll be doing each other a favor, and the whole country as well. 

Our lack of patriotism is the main reason why I support Duterte all the way. He makes you feel like he genuinely cares about the country above else.
I feel like we've been bending over to the rest of the world for so long. It needs to stop. We need to feel like we have our own identity. We can't always be in the shadows of the more powerful countries. 

We need to make a stand. We can't keep bowing to the opinion of the international community. They should not dictate who we are and what we should like. Let's stop asking for their validation and their approval.



Kung naghahanap kayo ng example, punta lang kayo sa mga reaction videos sa Youtube about sa kahit anong Pinoy related. Bakit parang ang saya saya natin pag-pinupuri tayo ng mga banyaga jusku. Ano ba yun, masayado tayong papapel sa international community, kelangan lagi tayong included.

We're just becoming so needy and desperate for attention. Why is it an issue if Duterte is seated beside Obama or not? Does he become a less respectable leader if he's not seated next to the president of the most powerful country in the world? 

We now have a leader who could care less about the international communities' perception towards him. Does it not make you proud to have a leader who doesn't kiss ass for the rest of his term? Would you rather have him bending over and get fucked by the rest of the world? Can't we just be proud that finally, we have a leader who is known for his strong ideology and not for his being a pushover?

Don't get me wrong, of course it's better to be friends with every nation as much as possible. That's a given. But can we be the friend who doesn't get left behind when walking towards a narrow path? Can we be that friend who's always on the guest list? Can we be the cool kid for once? 

This is who Duterte is to me. His becoming the President of the Republic of the Philippines is the manifestation of our journey towards real patriotism. 

Give him a chance. I have no idea if he can make the Philippines a place we can all be proud of or not, but so do you. Nobody does. And God forbid, if he did fuck this country up and all you tweet is "I told you so", well.. I'm sorry, and yes, You won again. I hope you're happy.

Salamat Mamang Tsuper!

I was born June 15, 1991 in a small hospital by the sea in Cavite City, Philippines. The same day Mt. Pinatubo decided to erupt and destroy most of the provinces in the Northern part of the country. The incident has never been out of the conversation every time someone brings up the story of my birth. Some compare the explosion to my mom's giving birth. Her being Mt. Pinatubo, and I, as the ash fall due to my lighter complexion.

I grew up feeling a bit creeped out thinking thousands died while I'm being born into this world.  Somehow, it made me love the country even more. There seems to be a connection. I can't explain it. All I know is that this "bond" I feel towards the country, is a little bit stronger than most people I know. 
I could give you a shitload of reasons why the Philippines is the best country in the world...well in my world that is.

Every time someone asks an OFW what makes the Philippines the "better country" compared to wherever he's currently in, a general response would be "mas masaya e". Although... when you really think about it, I mean reeeallly think about it, there's not much advantage in living back home. There are quite, aargh, ang hirap, let's just say the Philippines is not exactly perfect. Well it's not perfect at all. 

Where do I start? The government? The heat, the traffic situation, low wages/salary, yung kakulangan ng disiplina, yung pagdura at pagtapon ng basura sa kalsada, yung krimen, yung kakulangan ng mga matitinong writers sa TB at pelikula, yung airport, yung mga hinayupak na taxi drivers, yung admin ng mga "private schools", yung pagpila at LUNCH BREAK sa mga government offices, yung pag a-anak ng limampu kahit wala ng nilalamon. Yung TERMINAL FEE sa airport, sa lahat ng port, yung fee sa lahat ng gate,sa CR., yung mga usi sa isang aksidente. Yung mga tsismosang kapitbahay. Yung mga taong nakakaluwag-luwag lang e kinalimutang  minsa'y sumakay din ng jipney, yung mga call center agent na nag i-English sa Jolibee,Yung mga taong walang ginawa kun'di magreklamo na wala namang solusyong ginagawa o iniisip man lang. Yung mga taong nakatapak lang ng ibang bansa kung makaasta kala mong nirerespeto ng mga taong iba ang kulay sa kanya. Yung mas mahusay pa sa English grammar kaysa sa Balarilang Pilipino.Yung kawalang pagmamahal sa sariling bayan. 


Ayun, so, I guess, there's quite a few reasons why, let's say for argument's sake, Canada is better than the Philippines.

I'm starting to like it here really. I mean, there are so many things I like about Canada. Whenever a Canadian asks me "How are you liking it so far?" My immediate response is "Life here is very convenient, I still need to get use to the weather tho" tapos sabay fake laugh tapos dasal na wala ng follow-up question. Convenient kasi naalala ko na natapos naming pamilya magasikaso ng SSI, HEALTH CARD, phone lines atbp ng isang araw. That was a game changer. That reaffirms the fact that I am indeed in a better country.

Galit talaga ako sa PILA, ayokong-ayoko talagang pumipila at naglalakad ng mga papeles nung asa Pinas pako. Hindi kasi nakakatulong na SOBRANG INIT satin tapos siksikan pa. Hindi lang yun, wala ding SAPAT AT EPEKTIBONG direksyon kung paano ang mga proseso. Andaming dapat pilahan. Mga prosesong kaya namang tapusin ng isa o dalawang tao sa isang window. Tapos kadalasan sa Maynila pa at kelangan mo pang mag-commute. (wag kang timang, hindi ako maarte, hipokrito ka lang talaga)

I remember when I was applying for my Driver's License at (o in??) the Land Transpo Office in Kawit, I was offered to have my papers completed by a fixer for (i'm not exactly sure) probably P2100 and I was so on board with that. If you have seen the line that day you'd understand. But I was with my dad that time and he firmly disapproved of the transaction. I hated him for that because I had to endure hell by following the right path. I respected him for that though. At the end of the day, I was really glad I followed him. Although I remember paying the SAME amount the fixer was asking of us with all the fees during the process. It was crazy.

Yes, I am in fact living the better life. I am currently working in the industry that I studied for. I can easily buy things I like whereas I had to save for months to do so back home. I can wear clothes that can only be sold in Greenbelt. I do NOT have to boil a pot of water every morning for a bath. Nagawa ko nang tumanggi sa muffins. I can go ahead and buy myself a steak anytime I wanted to. Ang dami kong pwedeng ipagyabang. Kung jejemon lang ako baka pinost ko  na lahat to sa Facebook. Money can definitely buy happiness. 

I'm not referring to any designer clothes,  I'm not talking about hot showers and overrated pastries, or a pretentious piece of marinated carcass. I'm talking about a plane ticket, a reasonable capital to put up a small coffee shop/bar/bakery in Cavite, savings that can buy me a house in Tagaytay, enough money to tour around the Philippines, and to get myself a resort in Palawan, or Baler, or Galera, or in Cebu, or in Bohol, Ilocos, Surigao, Camsur, Batangas. O bakit kaya hindi sa Zambales?

The Philippines may be flawed. So is Canada. So is the US, So are any other countries. I am confident that when I accidentally put mayonnaise instead of ranch dressing on a sandwich in the Philippines, the customer wouldn't feel like it's the end of the world. I'm pretty sure we're just gonna laugh it off and joke about it. Like family.

It would be so much easier if we migrated when I was still a little kid. Back when I didn't care about any of these. I would just smoothly adjust myself in to my current situation. I would probably have the cutest accent when I try to speak Tagalog.

I started believing I'm no longer at home when I didn't have to fall in line to process my papers. I'm done being angry of the cold and the fact that it's too quiet outside, and how it takes me a while to get dressed. I gave up believing I could save enough for a plane ticket home in a year. I already got tired of feeling sorry for myself a week ago. I'm ready to accept the fact that I am in my new home now.
Kailangan ko ng tanggapin na hindi na ko makakalabas para bumili ng makakain-kain sa sari-sari store nang naka sando't boxers. Tanggapin na wala nang inuman sa kalsada kasama ang tropa. Tanggapin na hindi na ulit ako makakatawa ng sobrang lakas sa mga green jokes at sa mga kakornihan ng mga pinoy jokes.

Tanggapin na simula ngayon kelangan nang maging maingat sa mga salita dahil maaaring maka-insulto kahit hindi mo naman intensyon. Tanggapin na hindi na kayo magtatawanan kapag jinajabar na yung tropa nyo sa init. Tanggapin na hindi na ulit ako sususka sa estribo ng jip habang pinupunasan ni mamang tsuper ung mukha ko gamit ang trapo. Tanggapin na hindi na ko makakaihi kahit san ko gusto. Tanggapin na kahit wala kang ambag okay lang basta sayo ang kwento. Tanggapin na matatagalan bago makahiga sa buhangin nang may beer at yosi kasama ang barkada. Tanggapin na kahit walang wala ka nang pera, nagagawa mo paring maging masaya. At higit sa lahat, tanggapin na baka sa paguwe mo, ang lahat ng mga bagay na inaasahan mo...wala na.