Anak ng Tupa Naman O!

Madami akong ugali na pinapasalamatan ko. Pero

kung meron man akong isang pinagmamalaking proud na proud ako, ay ang pagiging humble, pero joke lang, eto yung pagiging open-minded.

 

Siguro dahil nadin lumaki ako sa lugar kung saan meryenda ang tsismisan, o pass-time ng mga tao magkaroon ng issue sa isa't isa, nakasanayan kong makinig sa ibat-ibang bersyon ng storya. Natutunan kong pakinggan muna yung lahat ng sides bago magkaroon ng sariling opinyon.

 

Kumbaga yung concept ng perspective, masyado kong nabigyan ng importansya. Dahil dito, lumawak yung pagunawa ko sa mga bagay-bagay. Sa bandang dulo naman kasi, respeto lang talaga yung kelangan pairalin sa umpisa. Kasi kung walang respeto ang isang tao sa sasabihin ng isa, hinding-hindi siya makikinig sa opinyon ng sino man. At kung makinig nga di magawa, umintindi pa kaya. At Kung umintindi nga, pahirapan, pano pa kaya ang pag-tanggap.

 

Recently, napapadalas ang pagpunta ko sa isang "Christian" Church. Catholic ako talaga pero nagpaplano akong mag convert sa future. Maliban sa naeenjoy ko yung mini-concert, at libreng pakape, Naaaliw ako sa paraan ng pag-tuturo ng pastor ng Gospel. Parang classroom.

Matagal nadin naman ako naeenganyo sa "Christian" Church sa Pinas palang.(In quotes kasi wala ako idea kung Christian ba talaga yung tamang term.) Lakas kasi ng ercon, lagi pa katabi ng Shakeys.

 

Pero in all seriousness, besides the obvious reasons and the huge difference in their routine, the Catholic Church and the "Christian" teachings aren't really that different. So far a.. according sa pagiintindi ko. I'm pretty sure they may believe differently in some aspects, but

when you remove all the pretention and the glorified facade on both sides, parang pareparehas lang naman. God is good. Love one another. Truth will set you free. Home is where the heart is. Live laugh love, at kung ano-ano pang home decor quotes ng isang 27 years old na dalagang nakabili ng condo sa BGC.

 

Nagkaiba lang talaga sa paraan ng pag pi-preach at ng ceremony. Example, sa Catholic Church kasi sobrang routine-based. As in panahon pa ata ni Matusalem, ganon na ata yung routine. Song number, Gospel, Homily, song no., ostia, hingi pera, song no., hingi pera part 2 just in case may tinatago-tago ka pang bente jan, at yung pabati ni Father. Pero kahit ganito, na-aappreciate ko yung paraan ng "Homily" ng Catholic Church. Kasi, parang, G lang. Kwento lang siya ng experience niya o ng kapitbahay nya. I-rerelate niya lang yung Gospel sa totoong buhay. Tapos ikaw na bahala kung pano mo gagamitin un sa pangaraw araw mong buhay.

 

Sa "Christian" naman, simple lang, concert muna, 3 sets ng kanta, audience participation, welcoming speech ni pastor kasama yung asawa niya na amen ng amen sa tabi, tapos short powerpoint presentation, tapos pahapyaw ng pahingi pera din WITH! bible verse para mejo nakaka-uplift. Mas holy yung panghihingi, tapos lecture na ni pastor hanggang matapos.

 

Dito naman sa "Christian", wala ata Gospel, parang may curriculum na sinusunod. Kumbaga may pagdugtong-dugtong ng lessons every week.

 

Gulat ko nalang ng naglabas ng mga notebook at ballpen yung mga tao. Kala ko may exam!

Sa totoo lang, mas nagagandahan ako sa paraan ng pagtuturo ng Christians, kasi lecture talaga siya. Haha di ko maexplain. Pero gusto ko yung idea na pag may pangaral si pastor, may verse siya lagi for reference. Kumbaga gamit na gamit yung Bible. At dahil may "ebidensya" yung mga turo ni pastor based sa Bible, tingin ko mas "naniniwala" yung mga tao sa lahat ng sinasabi ni Pastor. Kumbaga may collective na "oonga oonga" yung buong auditorium everytime na mag-lilitanya siya.

 

Dito ngayon dapat papasok yung pagiging open minded ko diba? Yung pinagmamalaki kong pakikinig at paguunawa at pagtanggap sa bawat sides....

Boom! BAT ANG HIRAAAP!!!

Sa totoo lang, bakit hirap na hirap ako tangkilikin ng buong puso yung lecture ni pastor. Yung pag may sinabi siyang preachings, lagi may boses sa utak ko na "uhm... pero... kasi.. teka lang a... huh?? " Puro ganon, yun nga ata yung tinatawag nilang demonyo, kasi distraction siya sa pananampalataya mo e. Pero talong talo ako dito. Pero sa Catholic Church, once na lumuhod na ko, na may ostia sa bibig, daig ko pa si Tanjiro sa pagpatay ng mga demonyo. As in payapa, dasal talaga kung dasal.

 

Then I realized, It really has nothing to do with the scriptures. It has nothing to do with God, or the Christian teachings, it's with the People and the institution that I have a problem with.

 

I grew up questioning everything and I'm a natural born skeptic. I can't just accept things in an instant without questions asked.

 

Granted that I truly believe that God and the Bible means all the good in the world. That I respect them spiritually, that I believe in its glory and power. But somehow when The word comes out of someone, very human, I start to doubt its intentions and meaning.

 

Masyado kasi convenient.

Convenient talaga yung term na lagi ko naiisip when it comes to religion. It always benefits the one more than the other.

 

Parang, okay, you will be save for sure... pero, however, but, you have to be this, give that, sacrifice this, follow that, go through this....

Or We should all not be afraid, Fear is the demon. Stop being afraid...Uhm.. koya, ang hirap kasi hindi maging afraid kung andami mo ng kakilalang may Covid.

 

Klaruhin ko lang ah, kung talagang asa Bibliya man yung isang teaching, yung tipong as in lumabas sa bibig ni Papa Jesus, yung hindi lang conveniently sinulat ng "sumulat" ng Bible for self-serving purposes, FINE, I can respect that. Pero ang hindi ko lang matanggap e yung instant na pag "amen" ng mga tao. Yung 99% ata ng mga tao sa paligid ko "Yes", "Praise him", "Amen", tapos ako, "Talaga ba?"

 

Anak ng tupa talaga! Sheeps! sunod ng sunod. Sunod ng sunod kay Pastor at kay pastor lang.

And here lies the problem for me. When you follow blindly and solely in one person, you tend to believe him and him alone, and you stick with it. You fight for it.

 

So everytime the pastor says something like...

Water is wet!! Fire is Hot! When you're hurt, it's painful! Tomorrow is another day!

and his followers go wild with the yooohooos! and the raising of hands and shit. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally ok with that, different strokes, different folks kinda thing... but the moment they preach unto you, (which they do)... when they start correcting you and shoving what's right and wrong down your throats... that's when the least known Gifts of the Holy Spirit comes into play--- sarcasm and condescension. 

 

Bukod pa, kadalasan ng mga sumasali sa grupo na'to e yung may mga nakaraang hindi masyadong nakikita sa GMRC book. Kaya mejo masakit sa tenga pag sila pa yung numero unong mag sasabi sayo na "Huy, mali yang ginagawa mo kasi hindi siya tama" o "Dapat ganito ang ginagawa mo kasi naku naku naku sinasabi ko sayo... hays maniwala ka sakin".

Kung tutuusin naman, masaya naman ako sa pagbabago nila. I mean, ano bang alternative? maging mas masama sila? ofcourse I'd like them to choose THE better path. But once they succumb their identity to the "light", I only ask that they stay patient with us "sinners" and wait for us to learn from our mistakes.

 

They made a decision, they made a mistake, they struggled, they failed, they tried again, they gave up. They offered themselves to God. They basically asked for the cheat codes and got through the hard parts.

 

But there are still people out there who's fighting. There are still people who would like to enjoy the game, testing their limits, using the Gifts from the Holy Spirit. Fortitude, Wisdom, Understanding, Piety, Counsel, Knowledge and Fear of the lord and many more!

I'd like to think that God is more understanding of our humanity than our spiritual leaders on Earth.

Pero the worst part is yung sasabihan ka pa ng... "Masyado ka kasing matalino" kapag sagad na sila sa pader at wala na silang ma-isagot sa argument mo.

 

When I think about how I feel about any of these, I guess, ultimately, I just don't like when hipocrites lecture me about things that are completely common sense to me. Siguro nga masyadong "nagmamatalino" ung feeling nato, pero I would've been more "open" if there is actually an argument. If there is actually someone who would step up and become human and preach minus the God-complex.

 

In retrospect, I had a teacher in highschool who teaches Christian Living and he by far was the best "Father" or pastor I could ever had. He clearly had flaws and he wasn't embarassed or scared to show it to us kids at that time. He understood and explained that the whole institution is not perfect. That we can only do so much goodness, because we are human. I really did learn so much from him 'coz for one thing, he welcomed critisism without resulting to "masyado ka kasing matalino". In his teachings, I finally reconciled faith with logic wholeheartedly.

 

Hays, ewan ko ba kung bat dami kong litanya tungkol dito. Siguro naipon na ng naipon sa ilang buwan kong pakikinig kay pastor. Bakit nga ba ako nagtitiis kung dami ko naman palang reklamo. Ewan ko ba. Baka anak ng tupa din talaga ako.