Exactly 2 years ago, I realized that things will never be the same- exactly 2 years ago when we board that plane and finally migrate to Canada. The start of a totally different life from what I'm used to - a clean slate. I learned that I have to step up my game and be as productive as I can. It finally dawned on me that life is catching up on me, and although I have always thought that I am a responsible, reasonable adult, I seem to fall short. Every year I set a goal for myself, and August 15 has always been the due date. By August 15 I should have this amount of money on my savings account, by August 15 I should have found a stable job. Last year, 2016, I was able to fulfill my goal which is to obtain at least a year of work experience in Canada. I was also able to acclimate myself to the environment, lifestyle, the freakin' weather, well basically everything that a newbie has to adapt to in a different country.
Basically, My initiation is over. I no longer am a first timer. I no longer have the right to complain about things that I shouldn't be complaining about. I am done with drama and being the "victim" and all that shit. So yes, that was my first year and I'm grateful that I'm done with it. Achievement unlocked as they say.
So life goes on and now that I'm on my second year, New job, new friends, new bank accounts, and new experiences have taken over, which only means one thing. A new set of first-world problems.
My goal by August 15, 2017 is to buy a house. A house. A fucking house. If you truly know me, you know that buying a house is one of my ultimate dreams. That is something that I have dreamed of ever since grade school.
For the past 3 months I have been looking nonstop for several houses. It was exciting and yet it was so scary knowing that it will mean more expenses in the future. Mortgage, property tax, condo fees, inspection fees, legal fees, insurance, loans, bank drafts shit hilong- hilo na ko. 'Eto na naman si ako sa katakot takot na kakaisip kung paano makakapag ipon sa gitna ng lahat ng gastusin.
Honestly I have never thought it would be this fast. I keep on saying that I should be accomplishing something as an adult by now, but this, handling this type of situation, going through receipts, by-laws,insurance policies, bank contracts... something tells me that this is for people on their 30's or older. I should be making babies, and doing drugs and getting drunk in parties. Right? That's what 20+ year old's do now? Right? I guess I'm just fucking terrified that I'm on this stage now and there's no turning back. What will happen next is full-on grown-up shits. You know when they say "Be careful what you wish for coz you might just get it", I knew what it meant before, but now that I'm actually living it... It kinda makes me want to rethink and reevaluate the things that I already know.
Taena talaga this. Kanina nung bayaran na ng downpayment, nung kinuha na ni ateng cashier sa bangko yung kabuuan, bigla akong nahilo, nagkabuhol buhol yung small intestines ko, yung pakiramdam ng natatae ka bago mag flag ceremony sa school. Namura ko na ng lahat ng mura si ate sa isipan ko kahit hindi niya naman talaga kasalanan.
Isang taon kong ipon yun. Hindi naman mahirap magipon dito kung tutuusin, pero yung thought na andun ka na e, Pwede ka ng mag Boracay ng 30 days, me uwi ka pang souvenir... bigla nalang nilimas. 0.53. 0.53 dollars. Bumakat ng mejo sobra yung mga numbers na yan sa puso't isipan ko.
But yes,11:37am, August 15, 2017. I bought a house. I signed a contract. A contract that will determine the course of my life for 22 years. A contract that will validate if I'm truly the responsible, reasonable adult that I claim to be.
I am incredibly grateful, don't get me wrong, whether this decision is way too early to make for my age or not, I am still grateful. And thrilled, and happy. I know that for a fact. I just don't feel it yet. I'll get there. It might take a while, but I'll get there.
This whole thing. It's pretty daunting. I have always been sure about what I'm supposed to do if all else fails. I'm a firm believer of expecting the worse and hoping for the best. I consider myself as a realist with a huge dose of pessimism. I always have a plan B. But with this, all my eggs are in the basket. I can't afford to lose this fight. Having said that, I might have to break one principle that I have been holding on all my life- Independence.
I'm the type of person who will NOT ask for help as long as I can. I don't ask a lot of favors. I hate having to ask someone to do something for my benefit. Yes, I'm one of those. And I'm stubborn about it too.
Laptrip nga dati, nung ihahatid ako ng tropa ko sa bahay, tinatanong niya ng tinatanong kung saan banda yung bahay para dun niya mismo ako ibaba, ako naman tong si tanga sabi ko sa bungad nalang, pwede na sa bungad, at lalakarin ko nalang kasi hassle sa kanya kung iikot pa siya. Tapos bigla niya kong sinigawan amp, tipong galit na galit siya kasi bat nagiinarte pa daw ako, ihahatid na nga. Tawang tawa nalang talaga ako pag naaalala ko yung yamot na yamot siya. Pakipot pa kasi si ako. Pero yun na nga e, Hindi naman kasi ako pakipot talaga. Ang akin lang ay kaya ko, at gusto ko rin naman talaga maglakad! Pero sino bang niloko ko.
Pero narealize ko din sa isang banda, kaya siguro siya galit na galit, kasi siya yung tipo ng taong palautos. Siya yung laging pag maykailangan, kelangan me special participation ng iba. Kaya siguro nairita siya kasi hindi siya sanay sa ganung sistema.
Hindi ko alam kung san ko nadevelop yung ugaling yun exactly, (taena ang conyo ko dito) pero I feel like (haha tigilan na to badtrip) nanggaling yun sa takot ko na laging may kapalit ang pabor.
Isang bagay na malinaw sakin mula pa noon hanggang ngayon, ay lahat ay may kapalit.
It's not necessarily a bad thing. I don't think so. It could pretty much be a coincidence as well that somewhere along the way, one will have to ask the other person for a favor too.
If a person does something good for you, the person automatically thinks you owe him one. This idea is not something new, and I'm absolutely not the first person who thought of it. It's an obvious fact! Laging may kapalit guys. Haha aminin man natin sa sarili natin o hindi. There's no such thing as an absolute selflessness. Is selflessness even a word. I don't know and I don't care as long as I win this argument...against myself. Konti nalang kakausapin ko na sarili ko.
Naalala ko yung prof ko sa History, eto yung mga kwentuhan ng titser na wala naman talagang kinalaman kay Mahatma Gandhi pero na share niya lang. Sabi niya sa malandi naming kaklase, "Hindi ka naman talaga nalibre sa date niyo ng boyfriend mo e" "Hindi naman libre yung popcorn mo sa sine, o yung Mcflurry mo sa Mcdo" Kasi daw, ang kabayaran nun e yung oras nung babae, kasi daw bayad yun nung nakuhang kaligayan nung lalaki sa date na yun, bayad yun ng paghaplos sa ego ni lalaki na meron siyang date nung araw na yun, at ultimately, babayaran din ng babae yun sa pamamagitan ng pagsagot nito sa lalaki sa bandang huli.
Kumbaga taena sir, nawalang saysay lahat nung hinagpis ni Gandhi dahil jan sa hugot niyo.
Kumbaga ang saya saya talaga nung klase na yun kasi ga-encyclopedia ba naman yung kapal nung libro namin, tas ganun lang yung topic, kami naman tong si udyok at si tanong para humaba ang usapang lablayp. Galawang early recess. Kawawa talaga si Gandhi.
But you get the point, Hindi lang ako sanay ng hihingan ng utang na loob. Kaya minsan badtrip ako kapag may hingi ng hingi ng pabor. Hindi rin naman kasi ako yung tipo ng taong naniningil ng sobra. Ironic no. Parang tuleg yung logic ko.
I think at the back of my mind, I was preparing myself. You won't get too far in this life without the help of the people around you. Nobody became successful just on his own. Everybody needs help, you just have to be comfortable in the fact that you will have to eventually return the favor.
Gusto ko kung ano meron ako, kaya kong sabihin na kagagawan ko yun. Maybe it's my desire to be independent all my life. Maybe because I wanted to prove to myself that I can make things happen without having to depend on someone. Having this kind of mentality helped me through adolescence, and could've helped a lot of young adults too if they let it.
See, if you're young and made... let's say a mistake. And you have to let your parents take care of that mistake because, you don't really have a choice. Because again, you're young. How can you live with that? You see, I guess depende talaga sa kapal ng mukha yan e. Siguro eto talaga yung pinupunto ng gulagulanit kong post. Kasi gumawa ka ng problema, tapos hahayaan mong iba yung magdusa at gumawa ng paraan para malutas yung problemang IKAW ang gumawa. Bukod sa pagiging tanga, sa anong aspeto ka pa naging pabigat sa mga tao sa paligid mo?
Lalo pa kung isa kang kagalang galang na palamunin. Yung walang kahit katiting na pangarap ba, yung wala na talagang drive para umasenso. Kahit man lang sana ikaw na yung maghugas ng plato, o kaya linisin mo man lang yung microwave. Kahit once a week lang talaga.
Never be a burden. Don't become a liability. If you decide to do something shitty, and stupid, please make sure you'll take full responsibility of it. Independence begins when blaming everyone is no longer an option. I know it's easier to just point fingers and absolve yourself from the shit you got yourself into, but believe me it feels so much better when you get out of it without anybody's help. Mainly because you don't have to share the glory. It's all you. You don't owe anyone but yourself.
Sa bandang huli, pag wala ka na sa puder ng mga magulang mo't alam mo sa sarili mong matanda ka na talaga. Mas kampante ka, na kahit san ka ilagay, makakayanan mo. Kahit magkaleche-leche yung mga desisyon mo sa buhay, atlis alam mong ikaw ang gumawa nun sa sarili mo at hindi ibang tao.
Masarap parin mabuhay ng alam mong madaming tao sa paligid mong handang tumulong sayo. Hindi mapapantayan yung pakiramdam na alam mong may malalapitan ka kapag isa nalang yung yosi mo. O kaya yung may uutusan kang kumuha ng tubig. Maliit na bagay. Tropa, pamilya, kahit kakilala... tulong tulong naman talaga ang sikreto para mapagaan ang buhay. Pero siguraduhin mo lang din na handa kang tumanaw ng utang na loob lintik ka. Wag kang selpish.
Umasenso ka, maghirap ka, manalo o matalo, tuloy ka parin. Para kang ipis. Hindi dahil brown ka't mejo mabaho, Ipis ka dahil surbaybor ka.
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