Notice of Disconnection

Hello, *sigh* 

Birthday ko na. Isang taon na naman ang lumipas. Isang taong punong puno ng mga interesanteng bagay. Kung tutuusin, itong taon na'to nagsimula ung bagong yugto sa buhay ko e. Parang bago lahat. Parang clean-slate na tinatawag. Biglang nag shift sa isang direksyong matagal ko nang ineexpect na mangyayari, pero di ko inaasahang mangyayari talaga, o mangyayari na, tipong eto na. Andito na siya.

The year 2018, I deactivated my Facebook account. A year without any connections to EVERY SINGLE PERSON I KNOW BACK HOME. Family, friends, real close friends... none, No Hi's no hello's... just pure disconnect from the crippling effects of empathy. I decided to quit from caring about the outside and focused all my energy towards myself. I needed space. I needed the time to process all the "situations" life has thrown at me. These "situations" came all at the same time, where I felt I needed to say "Fuck it, it's my turn".

I know I'm getting over dramatic, using words that doesn't really explain anything, but my typing words again, from a year-long hiatus, makes me feel back... I'm here. I've defeated my demons. 

I guess, anyone who ever felt what I have felt for this past year would understand every single thing I'm saying right now. It's more of a feeling really. Do I care to share every details of those "situations"? No. I don't intend to share every specific detail of my life to anyone. But I'll give you this. It is 100% my fault. My doing. My decision. Was I proud of every single thing that I did, of course not. Some I regret, some I hate myself for it, nonetheless, My choice.

Leaving Facebook does not only mean I can no longer post pictures of my every meal or sharing interesting encounters worded in a sarcastic manner for more likes. It meant disconnect. It literally disconnected me from all my loved ones, and their stories. I have no idea about how their year went. I removed myself from the exciting news, the birthdays, the gatherings, the issues... the intoxicating issues. issues that becomes your issue, issues that you have to think about the whole day, the week, the month. Slowly their problem becomes your problem, for reasons you just hate yourself with.

It's not like they are forcing you to worry about them, and their shits, but can you really remove yourself from feeling something when the first thing you see in the morning on your timeline are words of negativity and malice. Or just extreme disrespect over one another, or complete stupidity regarding a trending topic. Kumbaga, fuck, Kailangan ko ba talaga to mabasa at 7 in the morning? Is this really how I wanted to start my day? 

Also you realize, as you grow older, you tend to lose friends. One day, you just realize how few your true friends are. Out of the hundreds or thousands of friends you have on Facebook, only a handful will be with you till the end, during your most trying days. Friends who will still be there for you after ignoring them for a year. Realizing you are never really growing if you still have more than 10 close friends in your company. That, however, doesn't mean you have to let go of your current friends or, the people you are with are not really your friends. Of course, you are overly lucky if every single person in your company of 5000 has genuine concern for you and your well-being. Good job. But, I guess, what I'm trying to say is, you wouldn't really have that much time and energy to spend on every single person in your life. Choose wisely, or life will choose it for you. Either way, You must be insanely grateful to have even, at least one person who will carry the load with you.

Now, Facebook is really more like a networking site.... Wait, Facebook is really a social networking site. It was designed to connect people all over world. Friends of friends of friends to friends of friends of friends. If you're in your 20's looking to get a new tattoo, maybe check your list and say hi to your old pal who is now a tattoo artist. Maybe you need a medical opinion, why not message an old high-school friend who is a medical practitioner these days. Does it mean you're only using them for a favor... well yes! of course. But should anyone be offended? NO. You could be upset and shit but... A person thought of you in a time where options are just a click away. Don't make it a big deal. Connect.


Today, on my birthday, I felt it's time to reconnect. Time to make amends. I think I'm ready for the disgusting ways to enjoy your daily life. I am happy some of my "worsts" days are over. I am genuinely grateful my closest friends said hello back. At the end of the day, I could've gone through my problems easier with sharing it with them but I did choose to deal with it alone. I guess I wanted to prove something. It was thoughtless, but it was definitely worth it.