Hindi Tinisyu Ni Tatay, Hindi Inire Ni Nanay, Sino Ako?

I just wanna say, FIRST AND FOREMOST, that I have no intentions of sounding like I know everything about this issue. I also do NOT want to undermine the feelings (or the life choices) of anyone who is directly affected by this kind of ordeal. My opinion on this matter solely depends on the stories my friends and family shared with me. I even had to ask a couple of them for permission to share their personal experiences, and they all agreed, granted I won't mention any names. 

Whew! Glad I got that out.

Bastards. I had to google the best political term available for this post to avoid offending anyone. But I guess the more I look into it, the more offensive it gets. And yes, this is the answer to the riddle.

I received a text from a friend one morning that urged me to contemplate about illegitimacy, and all the drama that comes with it. The text was very alarming that I couldn't help thinking about putting myself in that situation. I wonder how I would react, or feel if I am in the center of all the commotion.

This for me is a very sensitive topic, as you can see with that corny-ass disclaimer on the first paragraph. I was back and forth with the idea of writing a post about illegitimate kids or unfaithfulness because I realized how common it is to probably everyone that I know. I seriously can't think of anyone that I'm close with that doesn't have any issues with cheating, marital problems, broken families, bastards and the likes. I mean can you? Wow, I didn't think I'd be shock with that realization considering how "open-minded" I am with these kinds of stuff. But yeah. That's fucked up. 

It's funny, 'coz growing up, my immediate family never had any problems with any of these. Consequently, I never had anything to share during inuman sessions, or recollections. 

Tandang tanda ko pa nung 1st year college, inggit na inggit ako sa mga kaklase kong may mga sob stories. Kasi iyak sila ng iyak tuwing sharing sa recollection, tapos ako kabadong-kabado kasi wala akong mashare na nakakaiyak.

Pinipilit ko pa talagang umiyak o mag-isip ng mga nakakalungkot na pwedeng pang MMK, pero wala talaga. Dumating pa sa puntong nag-iimbento nalang ako ng storya kagaya ng pinamigay  daw ako nung bata ako para lang may maikwento lang. Pasensya na sa mga naloko ko, pero nakakapressure kaya pag ikaw na nakasalo nung bola! Tapos lahat nakatingin sayo nag-eexpect na kapost-post sa bulletin ng Friendster yung life story mo. 

But anyway, hearing stories from my peers about their relationship with their family is incredibly humbling. Heartbreaking yes, but it will make you feel grateful of how mundane your life is. As a listener, it will also make you realize and understand why people behave the way they do. It all goes back to what they were exposed to as a kid. 

I am fortunate enough to be very good friends with people who have very interesting backgrounds. I have friends who were born in to a broken family. A friend that never knew one of his parents. A friend who has half brothers and sisters, A friend who was the "second family". They all get to share their stories during get-togethers and share different opinions from their own perspective. It's nice 'coz it allows you to see things in a different light. 

Growing up, I have never understood why everyone can't just get along. Why do children from the first and the second (or the third, kung bibo si tatang) have to be involved in the whole drama. Why can't they just sit down and straighten things out, being that they never had a say on the matter in the first place.  

Usesero't useserang gatong sa kwentuhan: Hindi naman kasalanan ng mga bata.

Si first family: E hindi kasi ikaw ang nasa sitwasyon.

Usesero't useserang gatong sa kwentuhan: Nandiyan na yan e, tanggapin nalang.

Si first family: Hindi mo alam ang pakiramdam.

Usesero't useserang gatong sa kwentuhan: Eeee basta tama ako. Dapat positibo lage! Kasi love is the answer! Forgive and forget. Time heals all wounds. Perfect ako. 

Si first family: Sino ka nga pala ulit? 

The fucked up thing is, it is true, the children are innocent from all the shits their parents made in the past. They really didn't ask for any of these. They were just a result of a natural, a biological, phenomenon, that is, two consenting adults literally fucking each other up in the name of infidelity, or love, or just plain lust. It doesn't matter. A child is born out of wedlock, and will be raised thinking they are lesser beings than those who were born under the sacred vow of marriage. And it just doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense to be mad at them for being born into this mess.

But somehow, they still get to carry that burden. Somehow the legitimate family still has this hatred towards them. And to be honest, can you blame them? These kids are basically a constant reminder of their parents' infidelity. A reminder that their whole foundation of morality has been tarnished. A scar of betrayal from their supposed role models. 

I was talking to a friend who was a part of the "second family" earlier. The friend is lucky to have a mother who turned her life around and made decent life choices amidst the whole thing. The mother was accepting, and confident of their status in the society. To be fair, my friend's parents actually love each other. I say that because I can still see the father dropping by every now and then to spend time with them. Which is nice. Again, I know people will feel salty as fuck, but the father ACCEPTED and ACKNOWLEDGED the "other family" which I feel is quite a step-up from his previous decisions. (that was an understatement). But yeah, good on the mom for being independent and not settle for being another percentage of women who gets solely blamed for the insertion of a married penis into her lascivious vagina.  

Nangyari na nga kasi. Tapos na. Anjan na tayo. Matanda narin yung kaibigan ko para maging makitid pa yung pagiisip niya sa sitwasyon ng pamilya niya. Kung tutuusin, wala na naman siyang pakialam talaga. Siguro dahil narin sa haba ng panahon na nakalipas. At dahil narin siguro sa sitwasyon na kinalagyan niya. E asa "second family" siya e. E pano naman yung pakiramdam ng asa "first". 

Masakit naman talaga na habang lumalaki ka, nararamdaman mo na hindi buo ang pagtanggap sayo ng sinasabi nilang pamilya mo "rin". Na kahit anong pabibo at pagiging magalang mo, ay hindi parin sapat para kagiliwan ka nila. 

Meron pang instance na inimbita ka sa isang family party, tapos ikaw lang magisa, umaasang kakausapin ka ng mga half-brothers at sisters mo, na, yayayain ka nila sa mesa nila para salo-salo kayong kumain. Darating sa puntong gutom na gutom ka na, pero hindi ka mabigyan ng lakas ng loob para tumayo at kumuha ng pagkain, dahil naunahan ka ng takot na baka titigan ka ulo hanggang paa habang kumukuha ng paper plates. Kinakabahan kang tawaging palamunin at bastardo. Kaya mas pinili mo nalang tiisin ang gutom at umupo sa sulok, hanggang me pumansin sayong hindi mo kaano-ano, para alukin kang kumain. 

Kwento ng kaibigan ko, ang pinaka masakit na parte daw sa ganong set-up e yung kelangang pag-awayan ang mga ari-arian. Kung tutuusin, malaking bagay naman talaga yun lalo na kung kayo yung "una". Pero kung ikaw yung pangalawa, parang iisipin mo kung hanggang saan ba yung karapatan mo? Nakakapagod.

Wala naman daw balak humati yung kaibigan ko sa mana. Bahala na sila dun. Labas na siya sa gulo. Masaya nalang siya at naaalagaan niya ang tatay niya- Ang tanging koneksyon niya sa grupo ng mga taong may parehas na dugong kagaya ng sakanya.   

It is not the children's fault. I can't stress this enough, in the same way that I can't possibly understand what the "first family" is feeling. They were the victims in the first place. But until when? Until when can they play the victim card, until when will they feel like they've been robbed of a better childhood. I don't know. I just can't possibly imagine myself holding that kind of grudge for the rest of my life. Especially when I know for a fact that none of the events in the past has a hold on me anymore. 

But one thing remains though, the one thing that baffles me. No matter how unfaithful a parent is to your other parent, it seems that the children still manage to feel a bit of connection to the former. I guess family is family after all. You can hate them all you want, but, still, family. Good for the parent though. It ain't a perfect relationship, but a relationship nonetheless. 

So I'm just thinking, so what if I'm personally involved in this kind of messed up family drama. How would I feel. Honestly, I don't really... I guess I will definitely NOT get mad. I'm more sorry that it has to happen. I am gonna feel so sorry for the parent who made a "mistake". Because, I know I would not want to be a part of that mess. HAHA I'm sorry, What I mean, is that, you know... I have a lot on my plate right now. I dunno, hypothetically, if it happens to me, would I accept him as my half-brother? I wanna say yes... but.. Imma say no AS OF THE MOMENT. Ok?! WTF?! Well in my defense, Hypothetically, I don't have any bond with the kid, like, it's more like, so, are you gonna ask for money when you grow up or what? 'Coz I'm pretty strict with my savings... so maybe you could reach out to my older brother? K? Aryt, see you next decade year? And don't get me started with the "third-party". Although thinking that the "third-party" has to swallow every bit of dignity to have an affair with a married individual is sad enough. I'm doing my hardest to rise up and become a better person, I just can't waste any more of my time and energy to go back to the pits where that person belongs.

I dunno ok! I haven't had the privilege of having a half-bro/sis, but the fuck! I just hope if it does happen, I just hope it wouldn't blow up in our faces. Fuck I hate drama, so I would really like it low-key.

And I wish, it would be decent. You know what I mean? I hope it's civil and shit. Although if I'm wishing for things, I hope either of my parents would just keep it to themselves huh. 

We'll see... Fuck if worse comes to worst, sana talaga mas matalino't gwapo ako sa bata. Taena taob na nga ako sa ligal na kapatid ko, sa hypothetical ko pang kapatid. Jusku kawawa naman ako. Ako talaga yung biktima e.