Dumating pa ko sa nililingon-lingon ko yung mga dingding ng bahay namin para di ko makalimutan. Yung tipong nagpaalam pa ko isa-isa sa mga appliances. August 12, 2015. Isang taon na palang nakalipas, dang bilis e.
I never thought it would be this quick. Shit. I know time goes by real fast but fuck! A lot has happened in the past year but somehow I can't seem to remember one significant highlight during those times. There are quite a few moments, like, going around tourist destinations in the first few months living here, and... uhm... well... I guess that's it. The rest was all work and groceries, and more work.
There might not be a lot of memorable moments in my life right now, but there are quite a lot of realizations, which are more important to me to be honest. One that interests me the most in being an immigrant, is being able to scrutinize the lifestyle of other Filipino expats here abroad. If you don't know by now, I could go a little overboard in observing the Filipino culture and lifestyle.
So, even before I got here, I was already thinking about doing an essay about how we Filipinos live in a different country. Because we always hear stories about balikbayans who allegedly changes their entire lifestyle every time they go back home. Tipong nakapag sabon lang ng Dove kala mong allergic na sa alikabok. Samantalang dati Perla lang naman ang gamit, shina-shampoo pa.
But seriously, we all know that one balikbayan who acts differently as soon as they get out of the country.
Lahat tayo me mga kamaganak o kaibigan na nakapag abroad lang, natuto nang mag suot ng boots kahit El Nino talaga. Yung tipong sa inuman ang mga linyahan e, "Alam mo sa states..., Walang ganyan sa... Kaya ibang iba talaga buhay sa..., Nako sa..., Bulok talaga dito e, di gaya sa..." Yung tipong ung mga kainuman niya e tatango-tango nalang, tapos yung iba makikigatong pa, sipsip hanggang sakanya mapunta yung rubber shoes na red, hindi yung black huh, dapat yung red.
What I don't understand, and want to understand, is did it change over time? Was there a change in how we perceive Filipinos abroad? Because back then, there's this certain glory, or mystique that is attached to an OFW. It's almost as if people back home worship them.
Jusku iniisip ko palang yung mga gusto kong sabihin, sumisikip na yung dibdib ko. Naaalala ko lang yung mga pagkakataon na may uuweng balikabayan. Bat ganooon tayooo.. Sipsip dito sipsip doon, nagmukhang pagawaan ng Tupperware yung compound sa dami ng plastik sa daan. Si kapitbahay, si second cousin, si third cousin, si kapitbahay ni pinsan, si asawa ng kabit ng pinsan ng panglawang tiyuhin ng kabit sa pangalawang asawa ng hindi mo kaano-ano, lahat yan ipagdiriwang ang muli mong pagbabalik. Alang alang sa sa isang pakete ng Irish Spring at Butterfinger.
That was before. Nowadays, I think people are starting to realize that life abroad is not as fancy as they thought it would be. It probably has something to do with the ease in communication these days. Friends and family back home can actually keep track on what's happening with their love ones abroad. They can read the sentiments and see the pictures of what their relatives do for a living.
Nakikita nila na nagpapicture lang talaga sa harap ng Hermes na shop, o umiinom ng starbucks kahit share share lang naman talaga sa isang baso.
Unlike before where there seems to be a certain mystery that can create a facade of grandiosity. People can assume that life outside the Philippines is easy. They can speculate how much money the OFW earns in a month. Today, love ones abroad is just a click away. You can actually message people and ask for money, and they can immediately respond to you and refuse. They can tell you that they also have no money to lend, which eliminates the idea that OFW's are instant millionaires.
Although, there is still a bit of a reputation when you live abroad. People still think you're a bit "richer" than most. I mean, they're technically right, 'cause currencies abroad have greater value compared to our Peso, but I could go on with the "living expenses" bullshit, but it's quite tired and it's kinda boring. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we have to understand the kind of life OFW's have before we conclude things. Before you even think of asking money from them, you might wanna think of the things she has to do to earn that money. But most importantly, you have to extremely evaluate yourself and your relationship with the person. I mean who the fuck are you to her? What have you done to her to merit the loan? Besides being a relative, do you think your happiness is more important than hers? Do you even consider that the person also has to save for the future, that she's not working 44 hours a week plus part-times for your sake. So maybe consider that. Think carefully whether or not being a parasite your whole life is worth it.
Anyway, those are my sentiments for Overseas Filipino Workers who are mostly staying in a foreign country for just a period of time. Being an immigrant though, is a different story.
Having to live permanently in a new environment, you don't exactly worry about the people that you left behind financially, because it's more likely that the ones you care about most are also living with you. I mean of course you still feel obligated to help out once in a while, but you don't really have to worry about being treated differently in your visits back home, you know what I mean? Like you don't really need to "show off" because, I guess you know you'd be spending the rest of your life far far away and there's just no point. Do you know what I mean? 'Coz I'm kinda having troubles myself.
Anyway, earlier, I was at a liquidation store shopping for things that I don't really need, you know, like a typical Filipino immigrant. I'm not surprised that there were a lot of Filipinos in there, because why not? Although there are also a lot of white people around and some other nationalities too. So while I was falling in line to pay for stuff, a Filipino senior citizen who's ahead, keeps on looking back at me. He seems to be wanting to catch my gaze or something, so I took off my earphones to check if he's speaking to me. And he was. So I immediately apologized and asked him what's up, He then smiled at me and looked very excited that I was also speaking the same language as he is. So of course, I got into a small talk with him, if you can call it that, I remember just responding with, opo, po, ganun po ba, oo nga po hehe, opo. But nonetheless, I felt like he really enjoyed having a "conversation" with someone "familiar". I also noticed that he is almost tearing up, or maybe I'm just imagining things. He could probably just have an eye condition. I dunno. But it really broke my heart a bit. Because I actually understand what he's feeling, well not entirely.
See, I'm young, I have my whole life ahead of me. I can adjust to my situation. I can speak the language fluently. I can still have an option to live my life here in Canada or back home in the Philippines. He doesn't have that option. He probably was just forced by his son to move in here thinking it would be better for his dad. The son must've thought that the free medical check-ups would make his dad's life better. I can tell that he just got here not long ago. Because he didn't have confidence at all! He was looking down most of the time. He was dressed like he was going to a cock-pit, He didn't have the slightest hint that he knows how to speak in English... I don't know ok! I just have a feeling like he didn't wanna be here. His eyes were begging to go home, to be with friends he can have a decent conversation with.
Sobrang sakit talaga na makita si manong na ganon. Ewan ko ba, nakakainis na kelangan niyang maramdaman yung ganoong klaseng kalungkutan sa ganoong edad. SA GANOONG EDAD! Mamamatay nalang siya, hindi niya pa naenjoy yung natitirang oras niya. Nakakainis kasi, kasi walang choice. Pag umuwe siya ng Pinas, e sino magaalaga sakanya dun? E lahat ng pamilya niya asa Canada na. So ang choice niya nalang e tiisin ang kalungkutan dito sa ibang bansa kung saan lahat ay hindi pamilyar sakanya hanggang mamatay siya. Taena talaga kung nakita niyo lang yung mata ni koya. Muntik na ko umiyak kaya lang nagugutom na talaga ko ng mga panahong yun.
This doesn't just go out to Filipino elderly. This feeling of being "out of place" also affects Filipino children and teenagers alike. Do you still remember your first day of school? and how difficult it is to decide where to sit and who to sit with during recess? Well it's like that for the rest of their adolescent life. I've heard several stories from mothers who petitioned their children here in Canada and how their kids resented them for doing so.
Alam mo yung nagkuskus ka ng ilang palapag na hagdan, naghugas ng puwet ng may puwet, mamuhay magisa ng mahabang panahon, nagtiis ng below 0 degrees sa pagaantay ng bus, para lang mabigyan ng masaganang buhay yung mga anak nila, tapos pag dating dito, ikaw pa yung mumurahin sa harap ng mga kaibigan mo. Yung sasabihin pang "Bakit mo pa kasi ako dinala-dala dito?" "Ang pangit pangit naman dito!", "Gusto ko ng umuwe!" Sa kabilang banda, naiintindihan ko yung mga anak e, naiintindihan ko na nasasaktan at nahihirapan sila sa kasalukuyang nangyayari sakanila. Mahirap talaga mag adjust. Ako nga sandamakmak yung mga reklamo ko nung bagong dating ko dito. At lumabas din sa bibig ko yang mga ganyang linyahan, pero sinarili ko lang. Wag mo naman ipamuka sa magulang mo diba? Pero kagaya nga nang sabi ko, "teenager" kadalasan ang nakaka experience nito, dun nalang natin isisi, sa kakulangan ng kaalaman.
Pero, dito ko rin naintindihan ng maigi kung gaano ka tatag, at kalakas ng loob ng mga babaeng expat. Kung mapapansin mo, kadalasan ng mga nagiibang bansa, mga nanay. Grabe yung abilidad nila. Yung kakayahan nilang magpakumbaba para tumanggap ng kahit anong trabaho. Yung kakayahan nilang makipag pakiusapan, at makipag bolahan para lang makuha ang gusto nila. Ang tapang nila. Hindi ko nilalahat, pero karamihan, tsismis lang ng mga nanay dito, yung mga asawa daw nila, napaka duwag. Mga dungo! Mga walang bibig. (haha sila nag sabi niyan a!) Yung mga nanay talaga yung naghahanap ng trabaho para sa mga asawa nila. Samantalang wala namang tumulong sakanila nung dumating sila dito. Nahihiya nga kasi yung mga lalaki, ma-pride daw.
In their defense, though, It's just how it is. hahahaha sorry that's probably the worst defense ever. Pero hindi kasi sanay ung mga manong na inuutusan dito sa Pinas e. Wala sa sistema nila yung pagpapakumbaba. Lalo pa't ibang lahi yung maguutos. Masyadong masasaktan yung ego nila. Yun na siguro yung pinaka defense na gusto kong tukuyin. Depende narin talaga sa tao yun. Depende kung gaano ka secure yung tao sa sarili niya. Kung gaano ka lakas yung self-esteem niya, sa Pinas man, o sa ibang bansa.
Although it's a different story for Filipino immigrants who happen to live here for a while now. They've somehow attained this type of confidence, most especially when there are other Filipinos around.
See, I'm young, I have my whole life ahead of me. I can adjust to my situation. I can speak the language fluently. I can still have an option to live my life here in Canada or back home in the Philippines. He doesn't have that option. He probably was just forced by his son to move in here thinking it would be better for his dad. The son must've thought that the free medical check-ups would make his dad's life better. I can tell that he just got here not long ago. Because he didn't have confidence at all! He was looking down most of the time. He was dressed like he was going to a cock-pit, He didn't have the slightest hint that he knows how to speak in English... I don't know ok! I just have a feeling like he didn't wanna be here. His eyes were begging to go home, to be with friends he can have a decent conversation with.
Sobrang sakit talaga na makita si manong na ganon. Ewan ko ba, nakakainis na kelangan niyang maramdaman yung ganoong klaseng kalungkutan sa ganoong edad. SA GANOONG EDAD! Mamamatay nalang siya, hindi niya pa naenjoy yung natitirang oras niya. Nakakainis kasi, kasi walang choice. Pag umuwe siya ng Pinas, e sino magaalaga sakanya dun? E lahat ng pamilya niya asa Canada na. So ang choice niya nalang e tiisin ang kalungkutan dito sa ibang bansa kung saan lahat ay hindi pamilyar sakanya hanggang mamatay siya. Taena talaga kung nakita niyo lang yung mata ni koya. Muntik na ko umiyak kaya lang nagugutom na talaga ko ng mga panahong yun.
This doesn't just go out to Filipino elderly. This feeling of being "out of place" also affects Filipino children and teenagers alike. Do you still remember your first day of school? and how difficult it is to decide where to sit and who to sit with during recess? Well it's like that for the rest of their adolescent life. I've heard several stories from mothers who petitioned their children here in Canada and how their kids resented them for doing so.
Alam mo yung nagkuskus ka ng ilang palapag na hagdan, naghugas ng puwet ng may puwet, mamuhay magisa ng mahabang panahon, nagtiis ng below 0 degrees sa pagaantay ng bus, para lang mabigyan ng masaganang buhay yung mga anak nila, tapos pag dating dito, ikaw pa yung mumurahin sa harap ng mga kaibigan mo. Yung sasabihin pang "Bakit mo pa kasi ako dinala-dala dito?" "Ang pangit pangit naman dito!", "Gusto ko ng umuwe!" Sa kabilang banda, naiintindihan ko yung mga anak e, naiintindihan ko na nasasaktan at nahihirapan sila sa kasalukuyang nangyayari sakanila. Mahirap talaga mag adjust. Ako nga sandamakmak yung mga reklamo ko nung bagong dating ko dito. At lumabas din sa bibig ko yang mga ganyang linyahan, pero sinarili ko lang. Wag mo naman ipamuka sa magulang mo diba? Pero kagaya nga nang sabi ko, "teenager" kadalasan ang nakaka experience nito, dun nalang natin isisi, sa kakulangan ng kaalaman.
Pero, dito ko rin naintindihan ng maigi kung gaano ka tatag, at kalakas ng loob ng mga babaeng expat. Kung mapapansin mo, kadalasan ng mga nagiibang bansa, mga nanay. Grabe yung abilidad nila. Yung kakayahan nilang magpakumbaba para tumanggap ng kahit anong trabaho. Yung kakayahan nilang makipag pakiusapan, at makipag bolahan para lang makuha ang gusto nila. Ang tapang nila. Hindi ko nilalahat, pero karamihan, tsismis lang ng mga nanay dito, yung mga asawa daw nila, napaka duwag. Mga dungo! Mga walang bibig. (haha sila nag sabi niyan a!) Yung mga nanay talaga yung naghahanap ng trabaho para sa mga asawa nila. Samantalang wala namang tumulong sakanila nung dumating sila dito. Nahihiya nga kasi yung mga lalaki, ma-pride daw.
In their defense, though, It's just how it is. hahahaha sorry that's probably the worst defense ever. Pero hindi kasi sanay ung mga manong na inuutusan dito sa Pinas e. Wala sa sistema nila yung pagpapakumbaba. Lalo pa't ibang lahi yung maguutos. Masyadong masasaktan yung ego nila. Yun na siguro yung pinaka defense na gusto kong tukuyin. Depende narin talaga sa tao yun. Depende kung gaano ka secure yung tao sa sarili niya. Kung gaano ka lakas yung self-esteem niya, sa Pinas man, o sa ibang bansa.
Although it's a different story for Filipino immigrants who happen to live here for a while now. They've somehow attained this type of confidence, most especially when there are other Filipinos around.
Nung isang araw lang, habang nagaantay ako sa interview ko para sa US Visa, may Pinoy na mag-anak na nakaupo sa likuran ko. Ayun, andaming aberya sa mga requirements nila. Tipikal (hehe sorry). So ayun, may flash drive sa loob ng envelope ni ati. E bawal yun. Biglang tayo si ate, sabi:
Ati: "Ow I have USB on the envelope for the pictures, but it's okay if you churow it out, just churow it out.
Me: *yaman ni ati...
Officer: Are you sure you wanna throw it out?
Ati: Yes, just CHUROW it out.
Me: *ati throw, th-row..thhhh..
Officer: 'Coz if we put it in the garbage you won't be able to take it back..
Ati: Yes it's okay just CHUROW it out. I don't care.
Me: *trying to commit suicide internally
Wala naman kaso sakin kung "churow" niya bigkasin yun (pero meron talaga). Yung paraan niya lang ng pagkakasabi. Yung humahawi pa yung buhok niya. Alam mo yun, yung pinapaling-paling pa yung leeg, yung tipong, MGA MAHIHIRAP KAYO, NAGTATAPON LANG AKO NG USB, KAYA NIYO BA YUN... USB, TINATAPON KO LANG. MAYAMAN AKO, CHI-NUCHROW KO LANG ANG USB. I DON'T CARE.
There's also this Filipino family who became regular customers at work. They lived in Canada for quite some time now, and their kids were actually born here. I'm gonna tell it how it is okay, with judgments and shit. Well the parents don't exactly look rich. They are not exactly fluent, they don't appear intimidating, but they are obnoxious as fuck. Napaka yabang, yung sobrang ere, shit, yung pumupose pa na kala mong sila may ari ng Subway. Yung shit koya ati, sa Subway kayo bumibili ng dinner, SUBWAY.
Alam mo yung tipikal na mahirap dati tapos nagkatrabaho lang tapos yumaman. Kumbaga pag magkukwento siya, laging isisingit yung mga achievements niya tyaka yung mga nabili niya. Yung ganong kaibigan mo? Lahat naman ata nakaranas no'n. Yung mapapakamot ka nalang. Yung mga reply mo nalang e, "Ganon po ba? haha, onga po e, oh?!, galing naman po pala, Kainggit naman kayo, Ang yaman niyo na pala no? Inggit na inggit talaga ko sanyo, grabe, shit, baka po gusto niyo nang bilhin yung store, baka kulang pa yung sandwich."
Nakakagago talaga yun, naapreciate ko naman din yung marunong mag Tagalog yung mga anak nila. Kung tutuusin, magalang yung mga anak nila. Pakiramdam ko nga nahihiya talaga yung mga anak sa mga pinagsasabi ng magulang nila. Ganon naman siguro talaga. Naappreciate ko yun.
Tsaka okay yun, kadalasan, yung mga anak ng mga expat dito, may mga manners. Tsaka magagalang talaga. Ok talaga na magsanib pwersa yung "sense" ng Western culture at yung "values" ng Pinoy culture.
I don't really have any beef with "Filipinos" who were born here. Whatever they've become, it has nothing to do with what ethnicity they're in. I think this is the part where we're having trouble in as a "people". Like we always claim someone to be FILIPINO even if they were born and raised abroad.
Tapos pag may puting gustong maging Pilipino, o nagustuhang manirahan dito sa Pinas, aangkinin natin. Tipong nakita niyo ba yung irony dun? Hindi na natin ginalang yung pagiging ibang lahi niya. Yung tipong pag yung Pinoy na lumaki sa Amerika sinabing proud Amerikan siya,
magaaklas na tayo, pero pag may puting nagsabing I'm proud to be Pinoy, halos isubo na natin yung paa sa tuwa. Kumbaga nakakaputangina talaga. Mababasa mo pa yung mga comment sa Youtube, jusku, maliban sa wrong gramming, jusku naman talaga, wala sa hulog.
Pero seryoso, sana hindi naman dumating sa ganon na dadating ako sa puntong puro "sense" nalang at wala ng "values". Sana hindi mawala yung pagiging skwater ng bibig ko, pati yung ugaling gago ko. Sana madagdagan lang ng konting culture.
Sana lang ma-eliminate natin yung ganung paguugali. yung, masyadong matapobre dahil "times ganito" yung halaga ng pera natin kumpara sa pera sa Pinas. Hindi dahil ayaw kong sumama ang loob ng mga tao sa Pinas. Kundi para sagipin ka sa kahihiyan na matatanggap mo. Tumatalino na mga tao ngayon. Alam nila na sale lang talaga yang maong mo. Alam naman ng lahat na sa Dollar store ka lang namimili ng mga pasalubong. Na sa goodwill talaga galing yang mga alahas mo. Hindi mo na sila maloloko, kaya wag mo na ding lokohin yang sarili mo.
I don't know why I feel so strongly about this. I guess I just hate it when Filipinos try to act like they're better than they're fellow Filipinos just because they live in a "better" country. Because it's not a fair fight. We expats may be living a better life here, and we can very much brag the shit out of our current situation, but we still do everything we can just to go back home for a vacation. We can do that. We are able to experience the life of pure convenience abroad and the life of pure bliss at home. They don't have that privilege. So why shove it in their faces?
Wala naman akong intensyon na igeneralize lahat ng Pinoy abroad. Lahat naman siguro ng lahi may flaws. Nagkataon lang na Pinoy antics yung pinapansin ko kasi sympre Pinoy ako. Alangan pansinin ko pa yung sa iba, bibo ko naman.
Pero me ganon talaga e. Dami din, sa mga usapan dito, yung mga mahahangin na Pinoy na naging permanent resident na dito. Mejo mapagmataas na. Siguro ganun talaga pag di nakaranas ng kaalwahan dati. Masakit man tanggapin. (tangina ang jerk ko dito).
Kaya, please, pag uwe ko, kung marinig niyo kong nag i-English habang umoorder sa Starbucks, please paki batukan ako ng isa't i-churow niyo ko sa labas ng store. Just churow me out. I don't care.
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