I was really starting to get very anxious on whether or not I will be able to keep up with writing
for this blog. I feel like the number of ideas that I usually come up with is starting to lessen.
Thankfully, working at Subway allows me to encounter situations that are
worthy of a 23-paragraph rambling.
The other day, as I was helping the customers with their sandwiches,
I noticed something about myself. It's not really a revelation because I always knew
I'm a little...corrupt. Let's use that term for now. If you can tour around the different corners of
my mind, you'll know I'm not entirely a decent human being. And I've accepted that for a while now.
I do because I know it's just gonna be in my head anyway. One thing I'm proud
about myself is that I invested so much in self-control - in all aspects. I always think before I speak and I anticipate the outcome before making any decisions. I'm boring that way, but somehow it worked for me big time.
I'll talk about it some other time. Back to the actual point of this blog.
Superiority complex. Ever since I was a kid, I have always known that life is unfair.
I always knew that some people are more favored than others. I lived in the Philippines.
That alone is reason enough to trust me on this. Every time I hear the phrase,
"Everyone is equal in the eyes of God" I tend to smirk smile and just move along with the topic,
with a different topic preferably. I wanted to believe in that on some level, the religious side of me.
That ends there. I leave it there. Superiority is evident in all places-everywhere-when there's people,
there's always room for disparity.
When I was in high school, there was a discussion in my social science class on how Filipinos act in
a foreign country. I clearly remember my teacher explaining the difference between
how a Filipino walks through a crowd of people in a foreign country from a foreigner doing
the same in our country. He said a Filipino has to stare down while walking, looking like a complete
outsider who's always worried about breaking something. Like he's going to offend someone by simply existing. On the other hand, He mentions that whenever he sees a foreigner in the Philippines,
it's almost as if they own the place. Head held high, confident. The room seemed to be saddened by the observation of the teacher. It was quite hard to hear. Some people joked about not being that kind of a Filipino, and some agreed that they notice it too. The toughest part to swallow is that it is in fact true.
I don’t know whether or not the teacher wanted to make a mockery of the situation or if he wanted
us to realize something very important. All I know is from there on, I made sure not to look at my shoes while passing through a sea of color.
That hit me hard. Not because I was a victim of that fact, but I was just thinking about Filipinos
who happen to be outside the country, fighting hard for that bit of dignity or what's left of it.
Why do we, Filipinos have that feeling of uncertainty around anyone whose skin is lighter than us,
or darker for some. Do we really think we're inferior? Is it the accent that baffle us? Is it the difference in language? Is it their height? Whatever it is, we always find ourselves trying to please them in any way possible.
So are we inferior to the White race? I'm just gonna put it out there. This is generalizing.
What I'm trying to discuss here is not intended to offend anyone specifically. It is merely
trying to make sense out of this ridiculous anomaly. The reason why I mentioned the
white race in particular is because it is the type of people who are mostly involved in this circumstance, they are mostly the kinds of tourists visiting the country. I could also specifically mention the Koreans,
since there's an increasing number of immigrants/tourists in the Philippines nowadays, though I feel like the Filipino population doesn't really bother with them as much as they do with White people.
The White effect is on a different level (see, this kind of talk will get soo much fire when publicized.)
If that's the case, if we do feel like we're second-class citizens among the Whites, then I should also be talking about colonial mentality. A term frequently seen in our Philippine History classes.
A term that has been talked about often but never really taken seriously. Yes, we have been raped by the Western influence time and time again. We are absolutely captivated by the idea that "states-side"
is better. That everything Western is quality made. That every brand name that sounded peculiar is cooler from that of the things that are easier to pronounce with our native tongue.
They put a spell on us for years and we never woke up from it.
In our defense, There are quite a few alternatives which we can choose from.
There's not much ENTIRELY Filipino-made products to support. And if there are,
It's not really worth buying. Honestly speaking man. We concentrate so much on mediocre and
played-out ideas. Bayong, Palakol, Palayok, Duyan, Pamaypay, Titing gawa sa kahoy,
Walis tambo, punyeta naman, ang hirap iuwe pag commute. Halatang sa probinsya ka galing.
Taena naalala ko ng bumili ako ng pana sa Subic, gusto ko naman talaga bumili nun, pero diba?
Ewan ko ba. Hindi pa totoong pana talaga. And ending ginawa ko lang pangkalso sa exhaust fan sa kusina.
The shitty part is that I also have no idea how we can improve the Philippine manufacturing industry.
The one successful idea that I truly admire is the "3 stars and a Sun" concept of Mr. Francis Magalona. He made the Philippine Flag a statement. He made me want to buy the apparels. He encouraged people to get tattoos of the Philippine map. He persuaded us that being proud to be a Filipino is cool. In addition, there are a variety of Filipino food establishments that are really special. I suppose we can focus on that instead, for now. But I'm still waiting for the day that I'd trade my Armani shirt to something uniquely Filipino.
We lost this fight against colonial mentality, and we'll probably never win for a very long time.
But who cares, let's just take comfort in the fact that we’re not the only country who feels this way.
Like we always do. As long as we're not the worst of the worst, we're happy being in second place.
So what is the main reason why we're a little too shy compared to the White race.
Is it because we're afraid that we couldn’t respond very well when spoken to?
Or are we more afraid that are fellow Filipino will mock our unsophisticated grammar.
Would a Japanese guy be threatened when spoken to by a White guy? Maybe. Probably not.
I'm not sure. I'm not Japanese. I am a Filipino.
Do I feel inferior against a White person?
To answer this, let me go back to the story I was supposed to be telling couple of minutes ago.
Fuck I talk a lot. Yeah so mag-Tatagalog na ko ng malalim.
Kung matalino ka ,maiintindihan mo kung bakit.
Narealize ko lang nung nag-uumpisa pa lang ako sa pagtatrabaho,
tuwing gumagawa
ako ng sandwich at nakikipag-usap sa mga customer,
medyo parang nagbabago yung tono ng
pagsasalita ko. Kapag nakita kong puti yung kausap ko,
'matik na parang pabibo ako na parang
ang bibo-bibo kong magsilbi at gawin ang trabaho ko nang maayos.
Samantalang kapag ibang lahi,
yung tipong mas maputi pako, o mas bilugan yung mata ko,
o mas mabango pako, pakiramdam ko,
pakiramdam ko lang naman ha, na parang nagiging masungit
ako at walang gana. In my defense,
hindi din nakakatulong na hirap silang magsalita ng ingles at dahil dun,
hirap din akong intindihin
yung sinasabi nila sakin, idagdag mo na din yung pagod ko sabay ganon pa yung sitwasyon.
Puro nalang "I'm sorry?!" "Can you repeat that for me?!"
"Can you speak a little louder, please?!"
Kung bakit laging me exclamation point kayo na bahala mang husga.
Pero taena nung nag tagal-tagal, Nung naging Supervisor na ko,
nung naka-ilang buwan na ko dito sa Canada, kaninang umaga,
Nagulat ako sa unting-unti paglakas ng resistensya ko laban sa mga Puting elemento.
Naramdaman ko na medyo pantay-pantay na ang trato ko sa mga tao.
Unti-unti ko naring pinagpasensyahan at intindihin ang kalagayan ng mga salta din sa bansang
kinalalagyan namin ngayon.
But I wasn't completely healed. I was still a jerk. I still get really shitty towards some types of people.
But it has nothing to do with race.
Then it hit me. Filipinos never really care about race.
It's not an issue in the country. It's NOT a BIG DEAL. Don't get me wrong,
I really think Filipinos are incredibly racist, but not in a negative way, I dunno how you'll interpret this,
but It is true. Our being racist is not intended to offend people, its foundation is NOT hate, It's ignorance.
Having said that, superiority as viewed by Filipinos has nothing to do with the color of the skin,
religion, or gender. It has everything to do with one's status. Social status.
What makes up one's status in the society? Off the top of my head I'll say money.
Money earns respect and countless ass kisses. You can make everyone's world go
round with it. It knows no race, beliefs, sexual orientation or ethics.
Whoever has cash will consequently find himself comfortable in his status.
He can go in and order a sandwich and feel like he's entitled to request for exactly 237 strips of
shredded lettuce.You are king until someone richer enters the room you're in.
Influence can also determine ones stature. The number of friends you have can
measure the type of person you are in the society. Same goes with fame. You have no chance of
being noticed beside someone who stood among a posse of inferiority.
But the most important factor in my opinion is education. A well-educated person knows how to
handle himself in the complex. He knows his way around the complicated routes of low self-esteem.
He can withstand the absurdity of discrimination and find himself comfortable in his own skin.
He is proud, and humble at the same time. An educated person is stubborn and will not falter against
ignorance. He is not confused of his standing in the society. He is certain of his worth.
Kung Pilipino ka at walang sapat na perang pwedeng apakan para tumaas, naiintindihan ko.
Hindi mahirap kumita ng pera. Hindi lahat may kakayahan mag-call center at kumita ng sapat para
makapasok sa Guess, o kumain ng Ice cream sa Rockwell. Hindi lahat may kakayahan pumasok sa
Solaire at makipag-payabangan sa mga anak ng politiko at makipaglandian sa mga Fil-Am na may
nanay na sinuwerte sa pag-aasawa. Mahirap ding humanap ng impluwensya. Hindi tayo ganoon ka
kagwapo o kaganda para magkaroon ng sapat na tropa na mag bubuhat satin sa ruruk ng tagumpay.
Wala tayong malakas na impluwensya para bilugin ang ulo ng mga "mas mababa" satin.
Subalit may kakayahan kang maging matalino. Hindi ko tinutukoy ang pagiging Magna Cum Laude,
o pagiging 1st place sa Math quiz bee. May kakayahan kang matuto.
May kakayahan kang ipaunlad ang estado ng buhay mo sa pagpili ng mga tamang desisyon.
Sa pag-iisip ng mga paraan para umasenso. Kaya mong iparamdam sa sarili mo na sapat ang
abilidad mo para makipag-salamuha sa ibang uri ng tao. Naniniwala ka sa sarili mo na hindi ka
mababang uri ng tao. Na may ibubuga ka. Na Pilipino ka.
Hindi ka lamang isang resulta nang taon-taon na pangaalipusta ng mga banyaga.
Sana, balang araw, kung naisipan mong bumisita sa ibang bansa,
makayanan mong maglakad ng daretso habang suot ang biniling Lacoste sa
Duty Free-Pure Gold Subic Branch.
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