Hustisya Naman O!

My dad and I were watching some news about the growing no. of homicides in Canada. They even have a graph showing the no. of incidents per province. Edmonton has 19, Toronto 26, and the others were 5 and 3 and 2 I'm not sure. That shocked the both of us to the core. Not because of how high the statistics were, but how low it was compared back home. 

The news anchors were like, This is so sad. This is a tragedy and some shit. They reacted like it was some sort of an epidemic. And my dad and I were laughing our asses off with their over reaction.

Every night. Every single night, news about massacres, homicides, murder, road accidents, shootings, stabbings, kidnappings, drug related crimes, human trafficking, anything, any crime you can imagine, is our background music during dinner. Fifty plus homicides in a year. A tragedy. How ridiculous is that? What they call a tragedy, we call a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Amusing isn't it? I hate that I'm actually amused by this. Like we just won a contest for having the most homicides a day. Like I finally found something that we're better at against Canada. Fucking ridiculous. The fucked up thing is that I'm actually battling with the idea of making this a mockery of the crime spree in the Philippines or a mockery of how pampered Canada is.

What the fuck Bri! Shit you are delusional if you think you can find a silver lining in this post. It's ridiculous if you still manage to find something good out of this situation. You will lose. And you don't go into a fight you know you'd lose. 

I thought it was just me, but my dad's reaction was what makes it interesting for me. He also found it laughable. And I'm gonna assume that we are not the only Filipinos who will feel a bit elated knowing how low the number of killings in Canada is compared to ours. Ironic.

It's not supposed to be funny. The actual crime is no laughing matter. Maybe that's it, maybe the reason why we found it amusing is mainly due to our tolerance to the issue. We were so immune to the killings that we see it as a normal occurrence. It doesn't shock us anymore, or even worry us in the slightest. Yes, there is the occasional "What happened?" "Who killed whom" but that's it. The "tragedy" ends there... or does it?

Maybe the tragedy starts when we become apathetic; knowing that someone has died and knowing that someone has killed doesn't make us scared or anxious anymore.

Naisip ko lang yung huling bes na naramdaman ko na apektado ako sa isang krimen sa Pinas. Maguindanao massacre. Hinding hindi ko ata makakalimutan 'tong kademonyohan na to. Hinding hindi mawala sa isip ko yung mga litratong kumalat sa Facebook. Hindi man ako direktang naging biktima ng masaker, bumakat parin sa isipan ko yung insidente. Nanatili na sa puso ko yung galit sa mga taong responsable sa krimen. Habang buhay ko na atang dadalhin yung galit ko sa kanila. Paano pa kaya yung mga namatayan.

Naalala ko yung isang picture ng isang nanay. Naalala ko yung damit niya. Naisip ko lang na may ganoong itsura ng damit yung nanay ko. Bigla akong natulala nun habang pinagmamasdan ung litrato. Nanay ito. May mga anak tong nagaantay sa paguwi niya. May asawa 'tong sabik na marinig kung ano ngyari sa araw niya. May mga magulang na laging iniisip siya sa bawat araw na hindi sila magkakasama. Isang nanay na bukas ang ulo, wasak ang utak at may kulay ube na katawan. Pareho sila ng damit ng nanay ko. Hindi ko kahit kailan maiintindihan kung paano magagawang mag patuloy ng mga naulila ng nanay na yun.

Isa lang si nanay sa 58 na brutal na hinalay at pinatay sa trahedya noong November 23, 2009. Hanggang ngayon wala paring malinaw at konkretong hustisya laban sa mga nasasangkot. 

Dito hindi ko magawang matawa. Kung sa totoo lang, naiiyak na talaga ako. haha. Ayoko lang ipahalata kasi katabi ko tatay ko. Pero naiiyak ako sa galit. Inis na inis ako kung paano nakalagpas to. Kung bakit NORMAL to. Sana lang talaga hindi lang ako ang nakakaalala dito, ang nagdadala ng hinanakit na to hanggang ngayon. Para kay nanay.. kay tatay at kena tito't tita. Hindi ko po kayo makakalimutan. 

I don't know if I'm ever going to feel this way about a certain crime. I hope I can still feel genuine empathy towards anyone involved. Compassion. Although if I'm really wishing for things, I hope there will no longer be a crime as savage as the Maguindanao Massacre. 

Masabi lang na mukhang terorista. Mema lang

Crime is everywhere. Everybody knows that. That's why I find it distracting when people assume heinous crime ONLY happens in the Philippines. Like everyone in Mindanao is a terrorist. Or that everyone in Tondo is a felon. Stereotypes. Of course there's a certain truth to it. All stereotypes do. But the fact that we don't allow ourselves to see beyond that is inexcusable. 

You see, we don't hear any news about school shootings in the Philippines. We also never heard of an actual serial killer or cannibalism, or sex slaves, or incest or anything that can catapult you into Satan's board of directors. Other countries are abundant with those kinds of abomination. We never had a Hitler, or a Mao Zedong. We have a few who tried but ultimately failed. I'm not saying not being the worst is all we should strive for, all I'm trying to say is that we aren't the only ones who fails in being a saint. Cut the Philippines some slack. It's way overdue.

Oo, totoo naman na minsan pakiramdam ko hindi talaga ako ligtas nung nasa Pinas pa'ko. Lalo na't talamak dati yung panloloob ng bahay sa Noveleta kung san ako lumaki. Lagi akong kinakabahan nun tuwing umuulan kasi dun naglalabasan ang mga halang ang kaluluwa. Nung high school ako, hindi rin ako kumpyansa na ligtas akong makakauwe ng bahay tuwing naglalakad ako sa may skwater area samin. Kelangan ko pa laging mag dasal kada sasakay ako ng tricycle kasi talamak din ang mga tricycle driver na nanakawan ka at itatapon ka nalang sa talahiban sa may Gentri. Dati naalala ko din nung nagaaral ako sa Las Piñas, na hindi ako makatulog sa van kahit antok na antok na ko kasi bali-balita na may nang-ha-hijack ng van at iiwan nalang kayo kung saan. 

Pero wala namang nangyari sakin awa ng Diyos. Meron ngyari sa katabi ko sa jeep oo, nanakawan siya ng phone. Meron din akong nakitang nasagasaan sa kalsada habang tinatanaw ko sa bus. Meron din akong nakitang riot sa may SM Dasma pagkatapos ng concert. Nakakita narin ako ng batang bugbog sarado sa hospital. Swertihan nalang siguro.

Narinig ko din sa radyo na minsan kelangan magibang bansa ng isang pamilyang Pilipino kasi hindi na nila ramdam na ligtas sila sa bansa. Meron din sinabi yung DJ na nung nanakawan sila, kelangan pa daw nila mag antay ng ilang buwan para malaman ang resulta ng imbestigasyon ng mga finger prints, kasi linya daw ang krimen sa bansa na kelngang unahin. Me nag-suggest pa daw sakanya na sana itinanong niya kung ano ang gusto ng mga imbestigador. Yung tipong, kelangan ko pa ba talagang mag lagay para makuha ang hustisya? Kumbaga may presyo ang katarungan sa Pinas, may tag price ang seguridad at kaligtasan ng bawat Pilipino.

Hindi ko 'to ma-elaborate sa totoo lang. Kasi wala akong first hand experience kung saan kelangan ko ng tulong ng batas. Pero kung impression lang ang paguusapan, Oo e, mejo wala talaga akong tiwala sa pulis natin. Kasi itsura palang hindi mo na

Exercise din kasi ser! Maiconnect lang din

igagalang. Sa totoo lang. Yung tipong itsurang napulot lang kung saan. Mababaw ba ang rason ko? Sa panlabas na anyo ba talaga nasusukat ang kakayahan ng isang pulis? Hindi. Pero malaking bagay  yun para galangin sila, kagaya ng pagdadamit ng disente ng mga titser sa high school. Bakit ang mga pulis dito ang lalaki ng tiyan, laging kala mong galing sa inuman. Laging buraot yung mukha. Yung pakiramdam mo pabalang kang sasagutin kapag hiningan mo ng tulong. Ayun nga kasi sinasabi ko. Kahit hindi naman totoo tong mga pagaassume ko, eto yung nararamdaman ko. Impression nga kasi. Ayun yung mensaheng sinasabi ng panlabas na anyo. Kaya importante na mag mukha silang disente, at ka-resperespeto.

Dito kasi sa Canada, o siguro sa ibang bansa nadin, rerespetuhin mo talaga yung mga pulis e. Yung matatakot ka pag andiyan sila kasi baka may magawa kang mali, at hindi dahil baka pagdiskitahan ka. Satin kasi pag may pulis kakabahan ka kasi baka ipitin ka e. Yung ganung pakiramdam ba. Dito siguro dapat sila magsimula. Ang pagbabalik ng respeto sa imahe ng kapulisan.

Eto na, nagsisimula na kong magkumpara ng magkumpara ng Pilipinas at ng Canada. I'm turning into someone I've always hated. Someone who I will resent for a very long time. But again, I want to stress out how you can never feel safe anywhere. Although it doesn't hurt knowing you can always dial 911 and know that help is coming. Also, it comforts me knowing that there are cctv cameras, that are actually working, scattered around the city. 

Pero ang nakakatawa lang, nung nagdadrive yung nanay ko kanina ,habang hinahatid ako sa trabaho, muntik na kaming makabangga. Nasabi ko nalang bigla. "Ano ka ba mot! Pagnakapatay ka dito tapos tayo. Sira na buhay natin! Buti sana kung sa Pilipinas tayo nakapatay, pwede pa nating bayaran!" Tangina talaga. Kung bakit lumabas sa bibig ko yun hindi ko maintindihan.


Btw, I wrote this piece way back before Duterte became president and I wanted to add my thoughts regarding all the killings and everything that involves the war against drugs,  but I rather not elaborate on it. Maybe, maybe all I can say is at the moment, again, opinions could change overtime, but for now, I'm just happy that the ones who are dying are the ones on the other side for once. It just makes me genuinely happy. I mean for now. 

Para Sa Tropa Mong Madaming Sinasabi

I was a 2nd year high school student when I realized the importance of the term "perspective". The class was asked to bring an Atlas during our social studies class. Everyone brought their own Atlases and started comparing them. I realized that mine was somewhat different from the others. The names of the continents, or the geographical locations were different from the other Atlases. I really can't remember the exact details but don't worry about it, that's not the point of the story. Ok, I'll try to give the idea... argh.. Well basically "Middle-East" was the term used for the ones my classmates have, and mine was like "Far-West or something" I DON'T KNOW. I'm not the smartest person when it comes to directions, or geography, or story-telling! Who cares! Fuck You!

To cut the story short, my professor explained to me that my book was made in Australia, and the others were made in the States. So as a kid who doesn't really care about that kind of shit, I got really confused, like, I didn't quite figure out how it relates to my concern. "Why does it have a different name?" "Why can't we follow just one name?" And he explained it further saying it's a matter of perspective. Boom taena mejo nagets ko na. 

Bale hindi nga naman "Middle-East" ng Australia ang "Middle-East" ng Tate. Kaya ang nilagay nilang term sa Atlas NILA ang pangalan na nararapat sa perspektibo NILA. Napaka simpleng bagay nito na naituro sakin ng professor ko. Isang leksyon na nagbukas ng isipan ko sa sobrang daming bagay. Anjan na yung naunawaan ko yung pagkakaiba ng USC sa Metric system. Pero kung bakit siya big-deal sa 9gag di ko maintindihan. 

Kung tutuusin, alam ko naman talaga na may iba-iba tayong perspektibo, hindi lang talaga natin inuunawa ng lubos. Kasi kung bibigyan talaga natin ng diin at atensyon ito, malamang maiiwasan natin ang hindi pagkakasundo sundo. May hugot talaga tong topic na to e, tiwala ka lang.

Why am I putting so much stress on this seemingly absurd topic? Is it just a filler for this blog or am I just lacking with interesting ideas? Yes. HAHA I'm actually running out of ideas. But this is very important to me believe me. All the things that I remember from my childhood, I consider a turning point in my life. And perception is one thing I value a lot. I value a lot of things so shut up! See, this is what goes on in my head... ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I start with a certain great idea and end up thinking about how it feels like to use meth or something. It just looks good doesn't it? Fuck I really wanna try it, but at the same time, why? If you're reading this, and kinda feels weirded out by how I operate, we might have a difference of opinion. What you think is crazy, might be ordinary for me. A difference in perspective. See how I try to connect this shit? No? K.

Growing up, I was always the one who gets to listen to my friends shitty problems. Everyone just felt like they can share with me all the crap they're dealing with. I enjoy it though. I love listening to people talk about their problems and dilemmas in their teenage life. I like that I get to share my opinion on the matter. You see, when you're outside the situation, when you're free from all the emotion and inhibitions, you get to see the bigger picture. You tend to understand what the actual problem is, because you are not affected with any sort of bias. And that gives you a rational perception on things.

When your friend is thinking about whether or not to abort her child, and asks for your advice, what do you say? Do you judge her first and then put your two cents on the matter? Do you encourage her to go through with the abortion or do you persuade her to keep the child. In a circle of friends, everyone has his/her own opinion. One friend might disagree with the idea of abortion because he was raised in a very conservative family. Another could approve of your decision because she might have chosen the same path before and feels like she made the right choice. A certain friend might consider putting himself in your position and consider the consequences of both options. Weighing the pros and cons. In the end, of course, you should not base your decision solely on the opinions of others. They don't get to live your life after deciding what to do. They will always feel entitled to judge you no matter what. And it is always easier to be outside of the situation and pass judgement. It's easier when all you get to do is feel better about yourself and to look down on someone. 

Do what you think you could live up with in the long run. It all boils down to what will make you sleep at night. 'Coz no matter what your decision is, pretty sure your friends will be sleeping soundly eitherway. 

People could see things in a different way. The sooner you understand what it really means, the sooner you get to become a better person. Their perception is mostly created by years and years of several various influences. From their childhood, from the people they associate with, from their parents... from anything that has made an impact on them. If they choose not to listen to different viewpoints other than their own, it will eat them alive. It will start a type of cult mentality where they can no longer distinguish reason from wishful thinking. 

Sarado na ang isip para sa mga bagong perspektibo. Hindi na niya kayang ilagay ang sarili sa sitwasyon ng iba. Hindi niya maisip kung bakit ganoon ang pananaw ng isang tao. Kung paano niya nagawang maniwala sa isang bagay na hindi mo pinapaniwalaan. Kung ano ang dahilan kung bakit niya nagawa ang isang bagay. Kung ano ang puno't dulo?

Bakit nangaliwa si Mister? Dahil ba manloloko siya at gusto niyang saktan si Misis? O baka dahil wala ng pagpapahalaga si Misis sakanya. Bakit wala ng pagpapahalaga si Misis kay Mister? dahil ba makasarili si Misis at nakahanap na ng ibang pagkakaabalahan? O baka dahil puro inom at barkada ang inatupag ni Mister. Bakit nagrerebelde si Jr.? Para ba bumagay sa Nirvana tshirt niya at sa checkered niyang chuck-te? O baka naman dahil hindi na magkasundo ang mga magulang niya sa bahay.

Pakiramdam ko kasi, laging may dahilan kung bakit ganito si ano. Bakit at saan nagmula yung ganyang paguugali ng isang tao. Kumbaga may isang pangyayari sa bawat tao na humulma sa kanyang pananaw. May dahilan kung bakit ka malandi, kung bakit ka nagdrugs, kung bakit ka bully, kung bakit mayabang ka, kung bakit masyado kang mabait, kung bakit lagi kang inaabuso, kung bakit ang tingin mo sa sarili mo ay mas mataas pa sa iba. 


Just think about it. If you ever get into a conflict with another person. When you disagree with all the things he believes in, just give your best to calm the fuck down and understand where he is coming from. Fully understand the background of that person. You might find out you already won the battle even before it starts. 

"If you can't change the situation, change the way you think." This quote basically sums up the whole post. Keep an open mind. Accept the possibility that you could be wrong, or that you might have been wrong in a while now. That's why it's okay to have a difference in opinion. You get to see yourself in a different light. 

Sabi ko na malalim talaga to e, shit di ko akalaing ang daming paragraph. Sa simula, gusto ko lang talagang i-focus yung importansya ng "ibang perspektibo", at ng pasasalamat ko kay Sir Henry sa pagbigay ng oras niya para ipaintindi sakin ang tunay na kahulugan ng perspektibo. Sana, kung nagawa mong tiisin basahin to, sana mejo naalog yung utak mo, kasi alam naman natin talaga na iba iba tayo ng pananaw sa buhay, hindi lang talaga natin naiintindihan yung dahilan at kung bakit at saan nanggaling yung paninindigan na yun. 

Kaya bago ako yabangan ng isang tao, sinusukat ko muna yung kilos at mga salitang ginamit niya, yung bawat paghinga niya, kung kailan lumalakas ang tono ng boses niya, kung san siya hindi tumingin sa mata mo at kung san niya iniba yung topic. Suriin mo mabuti, kasi baka kaya nagyayabang yan, e kasi hindi niya naramdaman na pinapahalagahan siya ng pamilya niya nung bata pa siya. At sa pagyayabang niya dinadaan at nilalabas ang hinanakit na yun. Kaya intindihin mo nalang. Dahil kung gusto mong gumanti sa taong mayabang, wala kang ibang dapat gawin kundi kawaan mo nalang.

ma-i-rhyme lang, para may impact.

Batang 3rd-World sa Bansang 1st-World

Daga... Wala pa kong nakikitang daga sa Canada. Meron squirell. Meron ding kuneho at iba iba pang mga mukhang taga gubat. Ung iba naka-coat pa nga e. Pero wala talagang daga! 

Dati hindi ko pa masyadong na-a-appreciate ang kinalalagyan ko ngayon. Lagi ko pang sinasabi sa sarili ko na wala paring tatalo sa Pinas. Oo, bilang sa Pilipinas ako lumaki, mas gugustohin ko parin talagang mabuhay sa bansa ko ng pangmatagalan. Kung may "magandang opurtunidad" ba sa Pinas, bakit pa ko magiibang bansa? Linyahang OFW mga kaibigan. Pero sa kabilang banda, habang tumatagal, nararansan ko yung gaan ng buhay dito sa Canada. Grabe talaga. Hinding hindi mo maiiwasan ikumpara sa bansa natin. Lagi kang mapapa- "Bakit hindi kaya natin magawa to sa Pinas?" Ang daming problema ng bansa badtrip, ngayon pa lang, yung mukha ko ang asim na, yung yamot na yamot habang nagta-type ako kasi isa-isang pumapasok yung mga pagkakaiba ng bansa natin kumpara sa mga asensadong bansa.

Inabot ako ng 30-minutes bago masimulan 'tong post na to, kasi hindi ko talaga alam kung pano sisimulan. Ang daming reklamo, hindi ko alam kung sisimulan ko ba sa trapik, o sa pila sa mga ahensya ng gobyerno, o sa sobrang mahal na toll, o sa airport, o sa dumi ng kapaligiran. Aaminin ko, napakinggan ko kasi yung replay ng Tambalang Nicole Hyala at Chris Tsuper sa 90.7 Love Radio habang naliligo ako gamit ang built-in hot shower, (sa hot shower ko na sinimulan huh) kaya naisipan kong gumawa ng blog gamit ang topic na'to. Pinapatrend nila yung #ReklamoNgBayan sa twitter. Para paikliin ang storya, nagtrend yung hashtag. Sa dami ba naman ng reklamo ng mga Pilipino, hindi talaga malabong magtrend yun. Kung tutuusin, hindi na lumayo sina Nicole at Chris sa Buendia, naubos na agad yung airtime nila sa dami nang iregularidad sa Buendia palang yung huh.

Talking about the problems of the Philippines is no longer new to our senses. It has been constantly the one topic that all Filipinos can relate to. You open up the topic in a drinking session or a market place, o sa sari-sari store kasama ang mga tambay, and you'll definitely get a response. Everyone's gonna jump in to the hate wagon. We just love having a conversation about how shitty the country is. If you think the purpose of this article is to hate the country due to its flaws or that I'm merely bragging the fact that I no longer have to deal with any of these shits, you're not entirely wrong. haha. I love the Philippines sooo much though. I would still choose to live the rest of my life in the country...eventually. I still consider myself as an OFW more than a resident here in Canada...still looking forward to spending the rest of my life back home.

I feel like in order for me to fully understand the ongoing problems back home, I need to compare the life I have now from the life I had back then. Tipong galawang Jose Rizal

Every time I walk on the streets of Edmonton, I can't help missing the streets of Cavite. Namiss ko yung mga tao na naglalakad sa kalsada, namimiss ko yung pahinto-hinto mong lakad kasi ambagal ng nasa harapan mo, o dahil an daming nakaharang na poste sa sidewalk, o dahil may nagtitinda sa tabi ng sidewalk. 

Oo, sobrang namimiss ko yung pakiramdam na hindi ka nagiisa sa kalsada, yung pakiramdam mong laging may makakakilala sayo, o may sisitsit nalang sayo bigla sa bus. Namiss ko magyosi sa tabi ng 7/11 habang nagaantay ng bus. Sa kabilang banda, sumasagi din sa isipan ko kung gaano kaganda ang kalsadang dinadaanan ko ngayon. SOBRANG LINIS. Sobrang organisado.

There are always garbage bins in every corner, bicycle parking, a well-situated bus stop, pedestrian lanes, perfectly working traffic lights, clean drinking fountains, well-painted benches...and basically anything that gives convenience to the public.

I sometimes try to intentionally find trash on the streets or vandalism on any city property just to make me feel better about the Philippines, knowing that we are not the only ones who doesn't care about orderliness, just to make me feel like there's still hope for us. But who am I kidding, of course no country is perfect. I do find cigarette butts or trash on the streets once in a while but it's quite seldom. And I'm pretty sure someone working for the city will eventually clean them up. 

I hate that there is no "smart" urban planning in any of the cities in the Philippines. And as much as I'd like to say this in general, I just feel like I've been to so many places in the country and I can confidently say that we definitely are having problems in planning when it comes to building establishments, roads, pavements, electrical posts and the likes. I remember my American uncle giving a lecture about it while we're on a road trip. He mentions all the things that are wrong in the city and how it could have been improved with a little urban planning. I really didn't know what to say. Believe you me, I'm always the first one to defend the country whenever outsiders share their "opinions" on it, but I was stumped. How are you supposed to disagree to something you actually believe in.

Ewan ko ba satin, ngayon ko lang talaga nakita, at naintindihan ang importansya ng pagpaplano ng maayos. Kasi oo nga naman, kung aayusin natin yan ngayon, edi mas malaking perwisyo kasi gigibain na naman yang mga infrastructures, para magtayo ng mas maayus diba? Ewan ko ba kung bakit parang pabarabara nalang na nagtayo ng poste dito, o bakit napayagan mag tayo ng business jan kahit walang parkingan ang mga sasakyan, kaya napapapark nalang sa gilid ng kalsada ang mga customer. Bobo ba mga engineers natin? Bakit ang dumidumi lagi tingnan ng mga electrical cables sa kalsada. Bakit buhol buhol lagi? bakit ang daming naka paskil na mga "wanted tubero at mga tagapatay ng anay" o "mga phone nos. ng Malabanan" Ang messy. Ang sakit sa mata. Mukha talagang ang dumi dumi.

Isama mo pa yung mga skwater na kung saan-saan nagtatayo ng bahay, sila pa galit pag pinaalis. Pambihira, kelangan ba talaga ng edukasyon para matutunan ang common sense at disiplina. Ewan ko ba. And dumi talaga tingnan, tapos ang init-init pa, papakamot ka nalang sa ulo.

Pero siguro sa init narin ng klima kaya siguro ang halay tingnan ng mga syudad satin. Isipin mo kung may isnow sa Pasay, siguro ang linis. Siguro patay lahat ng mga pulubi o ang mga batang hamog sa kasada sa lamig. Hindi naman sa gusto ko sila mamatay para instant tanggal problema diba? Siyempre ayoko nun. Yung tipong pano kung mamatay na lahat sila, edi kompident ka na mag lakad sa Maynila diba? Pero siyempre masama yun, hindi dapat mamatay sila ng biglaan nalang. Masama talaga yun. Ayoko nun. Siguro wala ng titira sa ilalim ng kalsada. Siguro wala ng alikabok o wala na masyadong vandal sa mga building kasi wala ng lalabas sa lamig. O siguro  wala na masyadong billboards na sobrang eyesore na, kasi delikado pag nadaganan ng snow. Ang linis siguro ng Pilipinas. Lalo na pag walang skwaters. Pero syempre kelangan mabuhay sila. Masama kasi na mawala nalang sila diba. Pero ang linis siguro ng Maynila... Kung lang naman. 

Kaya hindi ko masisisi ang Starbucks para piliin mabuti ang lugar kung san mag fra-franchise e, para nga naman ma protektahan ang "high-class" image nila. Dun mo din mapapatunayan kung mayaman ang syudad, kapag may Starbucks na. 

Naisip ko lang din, dahil napagusapan na, kung gaano ka normal ang starbucks sa mga asensadong bansa. Kumbaga kape ito ng parehong mga construction workers at ng mga business man. Hindi nasusukat ang social status mo sa laki ng baso mo. 

Me puchasing power kasi mga tao dito. Kapag may trabaho ka, may kakayahan kang bumili ng mga pangangaylangan mo, at kung marunong kang magtabi, hindi malayong makabili ka ng mga pangluho mo...sa isang buwan lang. Tipong walang halong biro at yabang, dahil may trabaho ako ngayon, pwede akong bumili ng SLR, o ng PS4, o ng latest na Iphone ngayon mismo. Ngayon na. O kaya pwede na kong magpabook ng roundtrip ticket pauwe ng Pinas. Ngayun na mismo, mag-open lang ako ng tab. Pero syempre ang pinaguusapan dito ay "kung kaya", hindi kung "dapat bang gawin" :) Yabang mo uy tangina ka talaga. Naiintindihan mo ba ang gusto kong ipahiwatig? Bakit nung nag tatrabaho ako sa Pinas bilang call-center agent, kung saan higit na mataas ang sweldo sa pangkaraniwang trabahodor sa bansa, kelangan ko pang mag-ipon ng limang buwan para makabile ng mga  lagpas dalawang libong piso? O bakit kelangan ko pang hindi mag tricycle at magtiyaga nalang maglakad para makaipon ng 500 pesos isang buwan? 

Ang daya talaga no? Kahit ilang overtime mo sa Pinas, parang hindi parin sapat. Hindi mo parin maramdaman na umaasenso ka. Tipong alam mong sumuweldo ka na, pero hindi mo parin magawang kumain sa Outback ng maluwag sa loob mo. O kaya mamasyal sa ATC na kampante kang masusulit mo yung 50 pesos mong pamasahe sa vang mas malakas pa ung hinga ng katabi mo kesa sa aircon. Bakit ganon, kumikita ka nga sa Pinas pero pag sumasakay ka ng LRT o ng Jeep, pakiramdam mo deprived na deprived ka? yung nakailang palit ka na ng deodorant hindi parin hiyang sa katas ng kilikili mo. 

Dati tinutukso ko pa yung mga kaibigan kong nasa ibang bansa na din, na ang taba taba nila, tipong papuntang beymax na, pero ngayon, ramdam ko na kung bakit. Naiintindihan ko na. Kasi kahit sa totoo lang, kahit hindi ka naman talaga mahirap o hikaos sa pagkain sa Pinas, pag tumira ka sa ibang bansa, malulula ka pa din sa chibog dito. Yung muffin na once every 3 months mo lang matikman, ginagawang pandesal dito. Tsaka ang ice-cream ay isang staple food na tuwing bubuksan ko ay laging meron laman at hindi galunggong. 

May cake araw araw kahit walang may birthday.  Tipong magsasawa ka sa chocolate kasi ayun yung kendi dito. At hindi mga White Rabbit, o Vi-Va. Ang nips dito MnM's talaga... with NUTS!! Tsaka yung mga concentrated juice dito na umaabot ng isang buwan satin dahil ga-tempra ang inom natin sa tipid, dalawang araw lang nauubos dito. Yung pag umorder ka ng "food for 2" sa kahit anong resto dito, pang pamilya na yung size.

Ga-arinola talaga yung mga mangkok, tipong ate hindi ko pa po bitay bukas. Iba talaga ang may trabaho dito, grabe, ang mga nabibili ng mga mayayaman, kayang bilhin ng mga simpleng mamamayan. 

I could go on and on with the comparisons, and to think, these are only the tip of the iceberg. There are still so many, so many significant economic disparities between two worlds, I only mentioned the petty stuff. E masaya naman sa Pinas. hehe. Lagi naman e. I'm looking forward to a time when we can say something positive every time we're asked why the Philippines is still better other than "Mas masaya kase". Yung tipong, Mas maganda sa Pinas kasi libre transportation, o kaya mura tuition, o kaya malakas kasi sa export ng mga duhat, o kilala kasi sa mga importanteng imbensyon. Yung mga ganun ba. Yung tipong sasali tayo sa Guiness dahil tayo yung pinaka environmental friendly na bansa, o may pinaka mataas na standard ng edukasyon. Hindi yung puro pinaka mahusay magpatrend ng labtim, o yung may pinakamahabang bicho-bicho. 

All things considered, I still am grateful that I got to experience both worlds. I am more grateful that I got to experience living in a 3rd-world FIRST, I mean, I don't think I'd be able to write a blog if it's the other way around. I'm still probably working my ass off by now to afford electricity or the internet for that matter. 

I'm currently enjoying the free medical care most of all. I love that I wouldn't have to worry about the health of my parents. I appreciate the fact that I have seen how a 1st-world country looks like. That I am able to live in a very clean, and orderly environment.

I like that I get to buy the things that I want, and that I don't have to worry about traffic or being exhausted from walking along the polluted streets of Metro Manila. 

Pero hindi ko talaga maipaliwanag e, bakit ganun. Kahit anong asenso dito, bakit mas masaya parin talaga satin?? Pikon na pikon na ko, kasi pinipilit ko talagang mandiri sa Pinas, sinusubukan ko nang kalimutan na uuwe ako at dun na maninirahan. Pinipilit ko nang hindi masyadong isipin ang kinabukasan ko sa may baybayin ng Cebu, o sa posibleng rest house ko sa Ilocos. Ba't ganun, dahil lang kaya jan talaga ako lumaki at nagkawisyo? Ewan ko ba. Ewan ko na talaga, sana lang pagbisita ko sa bansa sa March 2017, sana talaga mas masaya padin sa Pinas.

Dapat Talaga Pinunas Ka Nalang Sa Tisyu

Meron talagang mga batang ang sarap sikmuraan e. Yung tipong kating-kati ka ng batukan ng palihim. Pero dahil higit na nakakatanda ka at higit na nakakaunawa, pagpapasensyahan mo nalang. Hirap naman kasi kumprontahin yung magulang e, wala kasi sa sistema natin bilang Pinoy yung manita, lalo pa't anak ng may anak yung pinaguusapan. Meron din namang pranka at kayang kumprontahin ang mga magulang ng mga hinayupak na mga anak nila, pero iilan lang silang pinalad nang ganung klaseng apog.

But last Sunday during mass, I don't know what's got into me, I managed to express my, let's say disappointment, towards a brat who never stopped talking all throughout the sermon. The fucked up thing is that he was with his mother, who didn't even do anything to make him shut the fuck up. I didn't really say anything though, I just looked back at them, stared at the kid with a deadpan expression and looked at the mom right after. The mom gave an apologetic gaze, and the kid finally stopped being a degenerate. Pero umikot yung sikmura ko, hehe, naawa naman din kasi ako sa nanay, ewan ko ba, ayoko kasi ng may napapahiya, lalo pa't ako yung may kagagawan. But I still feel like I did the right thing. If you can not discipline your kid during mass, you might as well leave so others can concentrate. Kaya trip ko talaga yung sa Christian worships, yung may sariling play room para sa mga hayop na bata. 

That leads me to my next topic. Parenting. Good Parenting to be exact. I was raised by two different extremes. Basically my mom was the bad cop and my dad was the good one. My mom was strict. She wasn't unreasonably strict, just enough to keep us in line. She taught us to be polite, to be punctual, thrifty, well-behaved in public, and all the other Western values. Haha, sorry, pero kasi diba? haha pag nakita mo kung pano magdisiplina ang mga puti sa mga anak nila, mabibilib ka. Although my mom also had some "local" ways to provide us with the best upbringing we can have. She used a justifiable amount of violence. And I wouldn't want it any other way to be honest. I love how she slapped the fucked out of me when she heard me curse on the dinner table. She also beat the shit out of me whenever I butt into a a grown-up conversation. There was one time, I vividly remember when she kicked me and my brother out off the room because we were fighting, and she couldn't concentrate watching her favorite telenovela. She did try to warn us first a couple of times before she decided it was enough. So yeah, we had to sleep outside the room and I remember bawling my eyes out because I was so afraid that time especially since we've been watching a lot of "Are you afraid of the dark" episodes. I was crying and crying for quite sometime thinking she would open the door and forgive us... but she didn't. I finally went to sleep outside from all the crying. See, as a mother, I don't know if she's also crying on the other side of the door, or if she even felt bad at that time, but one thing's for sure, she did the right thing. I applaud her strength, her patience and her persistence. She didn't cave in to her maternal bullshit. Ultimately, we never again fought in front oh her, we knew what the consequences are. I was afraid of her back then, I respect her now.

There were so many other instances when we experienced the Kabitenya savagery during our childhood. She always stressed the importance of being punctual. And that was the hardest part since everyone else was raised in the "Filipino time" culture, so we end up waiting for hours just to become the better person in the situation. I'm cool with that though, considering I now have to live the Western way. I'm grateful mom, just so you know.

My dad, on the other hand was my mom's opposite. He isn't exactly a disciplinarian. He was, though, a perfectionist in a way, very detail-oriented, which I feel all dads are anyway. That part of my childhood, I didn't really like as much to be honest. I am not at all a perfectionist. I am the type who knows mistakes will happen, most especially when you do something ALL the time. Mistakes, or accidents, are bound to happen. So my dad wanted everything to be exact, or just how things are SUPPOSED to be. And I can't be that. So we fight all the time, which I hate, because, my dad, despite our differences, NEVER hurt us in anyway. He was never violent. He is very diplomatic and very reasonable. He is incredibly polite and understanding. He is probably the most responsible parent I know when it comes to supporting us financially. We are not rich, but I never starved or skipped a meal because there was no food on the table. He delivered his paternal duties exceptionally. He's flawed, so is any other parent, but man he is a fucking decent father to me and my brother.  

Having strict parents aren't always rainbows and butterflies. I also remember wanting to have a Vtech computer thingy since I got really jealous of a friend who has one. So what happened is, I had to be on the honor roll so I could ask for a prize. Being an honor student wasn't exactly difficult, my problem was, that the toy costs 6000 peso, which is very expensive that time, (even today) for just a toy. I really REALLY wanted to have the Vtech, but a part of me wants to just forget about it and choose something else. I believe I was in third grade, but I never forgot about that guilt feeling, and the look my parents had while buying that toy till now. 

They knew I would get tired of it eventually, and they were right, I got tired of playing that fucking Vtech and I had to force myself to play with it just to make them feel like it was worth it. But fuck, these are already my problems as a little kid with conscience. I still have that Vtech in my room back in the Philippines. I feel like it serves as a reminder on how important it is to really think first before buying something you think you really REALLY like at the moment.

The reason why I had to brag about how responsible my parents are in raising us, is because I wanna stress out how important it is to have a standard or a foundation on which you're gonna have to base your way of raising your own family in the future. 

If I'm fortunate, I would like to have a family of my own who lives by the same culture as I did when I was young. I want my kids to understand the value of time, money, and discipline. If I have to physically hurt them I would. I certainly would. If you have any thing against this, I hope you are convincing enough everytime you use words as a disciplinary tool... If not, I just hope my kids wouldn't be friends with your spoiled little shits.

Ang problema, tingin ko hanggang storya nalang to e. Pakiramdam ko unting-unti nang nawawalan ng kakayahan ang mga bagong magulang magpalaki ng mga bata ng ayos, lalo na sa mga magulang na naganak ng maaga. Hindi ko sinasabing "mali" yun at hindi ko rin intensyon na husgahan agad ang kakayahan nila lalo pa't madami akong kaibigang batang nagumpisa. Ang iba sa kanila ay ginagawa ang lahat para mapalaki ng tama ang kanilang mga anak, yung iba busy pang palakihin ang sarili nila. Bato-bato nalang sa langit siguro.

I just hope teen moms and dads today actually chose to be in their positions today. I hope they are actually capable of raising a decent kid. Do not let your child fill the void your parents left from your childhood.  I hope it wasn't a call for attention. I hope they can admit that they have made a mistake in the past, because only then can they accept that they are responsible, and officially obligated to make right decisions from now on. Decisions that will not only affect them, but their child as well.

Hindi na ikaw ang bida. Iikot na ang mundo mo sa kanya. Uunahin mo na ang pangangailangan niya bago sayo. Pili na ang inumang pupuntahan mo, bilang na ang maliligayang oras mo, Kahit hindi mo intensyon, unti unti mong masisisi ang anak mo tuwing meron kang mga bagay na hindi mo magawa dahil sakanya. 

You are supposed to be done being childish before deciding to have a child of your own. That is how it's supposed to be. But going the other way is exciting. But that thrill wouldn't last for long. Buying diapers, formula, an education, these are no laughing matter. 

Habang pinapalaki mo siya, sana lang matandaan mo na magkaiba kayo nang anak mo, at hindi siya ikaw, at hindi ikaw ang mga magulang mo. Hindi mo dapat maging batayan ng tamang pagpapalaki ang mga bagay na hindi ginawa sayo ng mga magulang mo. Hindi porket hindi mo naranasang magkaroon ng barbie ay bibilhan mo na siya ng isang dosenang barbie kadabuwan. Maging risonable ka. 

Your being a parent is not an excuse to vindicate yourself from the faults of your parents. You are not the priority. Your child is. Your child is the victim here. Your parents may not have provided you with the life you have hoped for, they may not have met your expectations... that is your problem. Your child's problem is having to live with the situation you put him/her into. You should be the better person. You shouldn't want your kids to turn out to be just like you. You want them to be better.

Wala ka nang magagawa, anjan ka na sa sitwasyon na yan. Pero kung sakaling inuuna mong bumili ng P1000 lipstick kesa sa gatas niya, o kung mas excited ka pang humanap ng bagong tatay ng anak mo kesa magtrabaho para sa pag-aaral niya, sana, sana man lang maturuan mong mag po at opo ang anak mo kahit papano. Kahit yung nalang.

Amalayer? Yumalayer. Wemalayer!

Once I was called a pathological liar by a very close friend. She said it in a very light-hearted manner, but that got me thinking whether it's true or not. I'm glad I was able to google what pathological means before the incident, so I didn't have to pretend I knew what she's talking about. Otherwise it could be really awkward. 

According to Dr. House, who I get all my wisdom from, everybody lies. I believe that to the core. And if you don't agree with him, you're lying. 

I am not a pathological liar, because I don't do it regularly, or I don't do it because it's in my nature, nor I find joy in lying. It's a word that has been misused time and time again for the sake of exaggeration. The retarded thing is most misused terms are usually mental or personality disorders. Kapag moody ka, bipolar ka na agad, pag mahilig ka mag salamin narcissistic ka na, pag mahilig ka maglinis, O.C. ka. Mas impactful kase.. lalo pa't ipopost mo sa FB. Nakaw dami likes, iba sa pandinig e.

Of course, like everyone else, I have lied so many times during my lifetime, and I have no intentions of stopping any time soon. If it could get people go straight to hell, I should probably be asking for forgiveness right this moment. Although I can't really say I'm lying to be honest. I am more inclined to make people believe what I wanted them to believe. More like persuading them to think this way rather than the other for my own benefit. Sometimes we lie because we want to achieve something that can't be achieved by being honest. 

Kasama na ng matinding actingan yan, sabay ng malaking tiwala sa sarili. Dapat willing ka din mag compromise para mapaniwala mo yung tao na biktima ka din sa sitwasyon, sa parehong paraang dapat maniwala ka din sa kasinungalingan mo. Dapat magsasacrifice ka ng kaunting katotohanan para believable parin. Yung pwede mong sabihing, "technically, I wasn't lying", yang mga ganyang linyahan. Kagaya ng tropa mong ang hilig mambabae, na sinasabi sayong "Wag na wag kang aamin kahit anong mangyari". Ang problema kasi dito, nangongolekta na nang ebidensya ang babae na kapanipaniwala naman talaga, minsan nga huli na sa akto nagsisinungaling padin. Thing is, siguro epektibo din naman to, lalo na pag sobrang tanga nung niloloko, yung walang self-worth. Pang pokopok ang utakan. Pero pag matalino ang shota mo, dun ka na sa taktik ko, yung babaliktarin mo yung sitwasyon.

You have to make the other person realize that it was her fault why the "lying" has to happen. This is the part where you have to act like the victim, you DO NOT lie to your teeth, show a bit of remorse. Look her in the eye, refrain from stuttering, if you do, look away and pause, breathe heavily, and pause, then look her in the eye again. Set an exhausting atmosphere, like you're really tired of explaining yourself 'coz it's pointless. Make sure you throw her a bone once in a while. You admit to at least two things she accuses you of, so that she'll feel some kind of vindication. Kasi yun naman talaga ang importante dun e, dapat walang magmukhang tanga. Compromise is key. Be on top of things, make sure you remember every bit of the lies and the truths 'coz they will definitely come up in your future fights conversations.


This doesn't just go out to relationships, when lying, it is important to understand when to back up a bit and when to be persistent. Because the worst part is when you actually believe you're fooling everyone when they already called your bluff a long time ago.

You'll end up being the fool in the end. Nonetheless, people will no longer believe in anything you say, no matter how much you tell them you've changed your ways. Trust when broken, will never be fixed. Doubt will always linger in the corner. I could go on and on with the cliches but I rather not. I just feel like It has to be said in this paragraph. You know, for extra impact and shit.

Ultimately, I think lying is an important part of what makes us human. It gives us the opportunity to keep a secret we never want anyone to know. It helps us protect someone we really care about, we're willing to lie for people who we love, even if we have to carry that burden for them. You lie to anyone. Your parents, your family, friends, coworkers, your boss, the police, sa mga tindera ng sari-sari store, sa mga kaklase mong nangungutang, o sa mga manghihingi lang ng yosi. Somehow we associate telling the truth to getting in trouble. And nobody wants trouble, reasonable people avoid complications, so we lie. At the end of the day, It is beneficial to everyone including yourself. for the time being... that is. 

Lying is complicated. So is telling the truth. Truth is not always the answer. I always thought of it as overrated. What you don't know won't hurt you, Ignorance is bliss... Words I don't necessarily live by, but I do understand their importance. In the same way I believe that the truth will set you free, I mean emotionally maybe, but it could also get you in jail most definitely. So timing is everything in this situation. Choose the most convenient time to tell a lie, or the truth for that matter. This is probably the foundation of white lies. Aah white lies, the best kind of lies. Because if you're an ethical person, or someone with a sense of empathy, you wouldn't really lie for fun, or just to hurt someone. You do it because you want to protect someone. To prevent further damage, or to take the blame for someone.

Ewan ko ba kung bakit ko naisipang gawing topic to. Siguro kakapanood ng PiliPinas Debate 2016. Kitang kita ko kasi kung pano mag sinungaling si Binay e. Yung mga mannerism niya. Hindi ako naiinis kasi nanloloko siya, kasi given naman na talagang dapat manloko para manalo. Naiinis lang ako kasi ang corny ng paraan niya para mangloko. Pakiramdam ko kasi napaka "corny" na nung panguuto niya sa mga tao. Yung paraan niya para kumuha ng simpatya galing sa mga mahihirap at mga timang na tao. Kasi gamit na gamit na dati ni Willie Revillame yun e, tingnan mo, ang ending, si Joey De Leon na "bully" ang nanalo. Yung naghahanap ng kakampi, ayoko talaga sa mga ganon. Ang weak. Kasi ang dali naman kumuha ng simpatya e, umiyak ka lang sa publiko, konting bola, purihin ang mga matatanda, o mga bata, o ipagyabang ang iilang nagawang mabuti. Ang masakit pa, me mga nagpapadala talaga sa "pity party". Shit ayoko talaga ng "self-pity".

Ika nga ni Rihanna, kelangan mahalin ang paraan ng pagsisinungaling. It is an art. A skill. It has to be unique. Because again, lying is necessary, beneficial, a responsibility. Use it wisely. Try not to hurt a handful of people while you're at it.

Paki search mo na din kung ano yung pathological, baka kasi iba pakakaintindi ko. Taena popost na yan sa FB, nadagdagan na naman vocabulary niya. joke lang.

Utang Ng Loob Naman Oh

I was going back and forth with the idea of writing something that even remotely involves family. Because people will automatically assume that I'm referring to my own family, even if I'm just speaking in general. 

The thing is, before I write something that may incriminate them, I just wanna state that I was never a normal kid. I didn't exactly follow the rules when I was young, and even today. I wasn't a rebel in the very sense of the word, I'm actually quite the opposite. I was straight up, the golden boy during my childhood. And of course, eventually, I turned out to be the fucked-up, slightly sociopathic, jerk who writes about shits all the time. 

But that's the thing. My parents have NOTHING to do with who or what I turned out today. Because if you're gonna ask me, they did a pretty great job in raising both me and my brother.

Well, my brother is the living testament of that decent upbringing. He is just, I can't find the right words for it, but he was just very respectful, well let's just say he follows the rules. I can't say the same about me. I just simply question everything. I am a very difficult human being sadly. 

I have no idea how this turned out to be a pretentious disclaimer, because I just really wanna talk about the... the fuck? Ano nga bang English ng utang na loob?

Sabi ng Google, "indulgence" daw ang English translation, pero parang hindi naman. Kung sabagay isang kalabisan naman talaga kung susuriin mabuti ang pagkakaroon ng utang na loob sa isang tao. Eto yung "sobra" na hinding hindi mababayaran ng sakto. Ang utang na loob ay walang obhektibong sukat. Nakasalalay ito sa persepyon ng inutangan ng loob, at sa nagpautang ng loob. 

This is maybe the reason why I had to preface with the topic of family, because parents, or any family member are always your introduction to the dilemma that is utang na loob. 

Dilemma because you're going to ask yourself along the way if they are truly entitled to be repaid for the things that they have done for you, which in the first place, are their obligation, They were able to send you to school, worked really hard for your tuition, provided food on the table, clothes, roof over your head, and all the basic necessities. Things you're entitled to, the moment they decided to fuck without a condom.

Hindi mo to maiisip kapag bata ka pa e, nung mga panahong palamunin ka pa. Yung pakiramdam mong obligasyon talaga nila na arugain, at palakihin ka. Me mga eksena pang, "Hindi ko naman ginustong mabuhay sa mundong to." pati yung "Kasalanan niyo yan, ginawa gawa niyo ko, tapos hindi niyo ko mabigyan-bigyan ng Iphone 9s42dvd5." Eto yung mga linyahang pakiramdam ko nasabi natin lahat nung bata pa tayo. Pakiramdam ko lahat dumaan dito e nung mga bandang Grade 6 to 1st year. Tangina ka naman kung hanggang ngayon ganyan parin yung datingan mo. Ang kapal ng mukha mo, kasing kapal na ng kalyo ng tatay mo sa kakatrabaho, o ng listahan ng utang ng nanay mo mabigay lang yang luho mo. 

Bago mo sabihin yan, na hindi mo namang ginusto mabuhay sa mundong to, isipin mo muna lahat ng mga karanasang hindi mo makalimutan sa sobrang saya. Yung mga pagkaing masasarap na natikman mo. Yung mga inuman niyo ng barkada. O yung mga tawanan niyo hanggang madaling araw. Isipin mo mabuti, pinagsisisihan mo bang naranasan mo yung mga yon? Maipagpapalit mo ba? 

You can't have it both ways. You can't be ungrateful for your life and still be glad that you have lived. That's not how it works for a rational adult. 

Going back, do you think that you are obligated to repay their "kindness" when the time comes? I think we do. But I hated the phrase utang na loob ever since. I hate it when it is being brought up in a situation. Yung kailangan pang i-sumbat. This doesn't just go out to a family setting. This could also be for a friend, o sa kapit-bahay, o sa katrabaho, o sa kahit na sinong me ginawang mabuti sayo at umaasang babawian mo balang araw. 

Don't get me wrong, gratitude is a virtue that everyone should put to heart. What I hate is the expectation that you have to return the favor, the fact that someone's goodwill is used as a weapon to force you to do the same. Something to be used for a convenient time. The sincerity of the good deed deteriorates and that kinda ruins your perception towards the kindness that you received.

In short, hindi bukal sa loob. Masakit din na hindi pala kampante yung taong nagpautang ng loob na me kusa ka na ibalik yung pabor. Pero kahit pa mali na isumbat niya sayo ung kabutihang ginawa niya, and ending e ikaw din yung talo. Kasi dahil malinis ang konsensya mo, ramdam mo sa sarili mo na obligasyon mo talagang bayaran siya kahit anong mangyari. Lalo pa't malaki ang naitulong niya sayo. Iba kasi kung pera lang ang inutang e, o bagay, pero kung eto, utang na loob, pahirapan yan. 

This dilemma gets harder and harder as you grow up. Especially when it comes to your family. When you start becoming an adult yourself. When you realize you are more than capable of returning the favor, paying the so-called personal debts. This is the time when you realize you have to work for your parents now, and not the other way around. That you have to provide them the things that will make them happy the same way they made you happy a while back.

I wonder if this is something only Filipinos experience. Since we have very strong family ties, we will forever feel obligated to take care of our families, no matter what the circumstances are. We just do. Whether they instructed us to do so, whether we hate it or not. We submit to our cultural values. No questions asked.

Not that I'm complaining, I have always wanted to repay my parents for their generosity. I have always wanted to reward them in the best way possible. Because I truly believe that they deserve it. 

Kaya masama talaga ang loob ko sa mga magulang na wala naman talagang kwenta, na nakakatanggap parin ng balik mula sa mga anak nila. Yung mga magulang na hindi naman nagampanan ng tama yung papel sa mga anak. Tapos sila pa yung mga may ganang magreklamo o manghuthot. Jusku sarap hindi bigyan ng maintenance ng isang linggo. badtrip. 

As I go on, I realized all the things that I have said in this post are things that are already talked about time and time again. This isn't something new, or original. This topic has been rehashed in several articles to this day. 

The best thing I can state now are my opinions regarding the matter. Lalo na sa panunumbat. My rule of thumb is to not do it as much as you can, unless the other person does it first, or does it over and over again. So I suggest you do good things to other people too, and try to remember them as long as you can. Para pag dumating ang panahon na pipigain ka niya at ipapamukha niya sayo na wala ka sa kinalalagyan mo kung hindi dahil sakanya, alam mo na may bala kang handang iputok sa sintido niya. May laban ka.

Contradicting no? Dapat bukal sa loob mo ang pagtulong, pero dapat wag mong kakalimutan na tumulong ka din para may maisumbat ka pagnagkataon. Kaya talaga dapat tiisin mo hanggat kaya mo. Dapat yung masasabi mong wala ka nang choice, sinagad ka e. 

When it comes to paying it back to your parents or any family members, I think it all boils down to the extent of the situation. I mean it's gonna be hard to gauge, but maybe your returning the favor is not as bad as you think considering what they have done for you in the past. Take that in consideration always. If your parents are assholes, then you can fuck them up for all I care. You can do the opposite and make their lives even more miserable if you can. That would be highly advised but it's still up to you and your conscience. 

Well, lastly, for parents who assume that they will be taken care of by their kids when they grow up, well... thing is, you can never be certain of that can you? Circumstances can change, people will change. Don't hope for the best, maybe expect that you will have to settle for less. Because, you know, you're not always gonna be the best thing that have ever happened to your kids. They will start having their own family eventually, and they're gonna leave you sooner than you imagine. This is an imminent possibility that you should be very aware of, since you did the same with your own parents. Try not to be selfish ok? 

Whew shit. Pinagpapawisan ako. 
But yeah, for future parents, please please please. You have got to think about yourselves too. You guys should save for your own sake. You need to get a house of your own. An actual life that you can enjoy once you decided to retire or something. Never be a liability.

Enjoy the fun while it lasts. I fucking swear this is not directed to my parents! Parents, if by any chance you read this, haha I am sorry if I think this way, but you have to admit, there's some sense into what I'm saying. Who cares! I will still be sending you guys money when that time comes anyway. And by the way, I'm trying my best to save for a farm for you guys, so I am entitled to be arrogant as fuck :) kidding love you guys! I love money too just so you know. But I love you more. For real.

"Dasal Lang, Dasal Lang Talaga" - Alma Moreno

Tomorrow is Sunday, and my family and I are planning to attend mass early in the morning. I should be sleeping by now but I decided to tackle one the most discussed and probably the most controversial topic of all time in my blog... nope, it has nothing to do with the Kardashians, religion.

I used to be religious. I had this novena booklet under my bed when I was young, and I used to read a couple of passages from it before I sleep every night. I was also very fond of reading bible stories and was really enjoying them very well. In high school, I was also very interested in the Christian Living subject. I was very intrigued by the whole thing. I wanted to learn the terms, the philosophy, the moral aspects, the dilemmas, the contradictions... everything to the point where I was asked by the principal to join this Christian brotherhood in school, but see, I was already contented with just understanding the Faith.

I don't think I'm worthy of the position, or maybe I can honestly not live up to its demands. Of course one may argue that it always starts with not believing or with the feeling of unworthiness. Some would use a story of a shady taxpayer who eventually became a follower, or a former prostitute who later decided to become faithful. But that's not the deal, I am a believer ever since. I choose to believe for so many reasons. 

Yes, I chose to believe. I find it ironic that I have to choose to have faith, like I am forcing myself to believe in something that could not actually exist. You may twist my words any way you want to, it's okay, 'coz truth be told, I also consider the idea that the whole thing might be just a some sort of propaganda, a story, or a tool used by colonizers in the past. But I never forced myself to believe in any religion. It was a personal decision supported by the many times faith made me feel secured, satisfied, and absolved.

I love Catholicism. I enjoy being part of the community. I feel like, it suits me the best considering the lifestyle I chose, since there's not much rules to be concerned about. Ang hirap talaga pag religion, pambihira bago ako mag type ng word, salang sala! What I'm trying to say is, of course Catholicism has TONS of "guidelines", last time I checked there were 10, but I'm pretty sure people decided to play God and decided to add a couple of things. However, these commandments doesn't exactly shackle one from doing otherwise. It does create a type of foundation, or a certain standard on how a Christian should live, but I feel like it ends there. A mere guideline. A very general guideline. 

I guess what I'm pointing out is, as a Christian Catholic, I feel more free than a/an *insert religion*. I don't necessarily have to do stuff all the time. There's not a lot of specific requirements to be followed. I felt like freewill is some sort of a game changer in the religious world, and I am so about that life. 

I sound like a complete asshole I understand. But believe you me, It is NOT the main, and ONLY reason why I wanted to be a Catholic. It is an incredible incentive, for sure, but I just appreciate the idea that my God is a forgiving God. That he is a merciful God. Because he knows how sinful I have become. I have disappointed Him in so many ways, and I'm quite certain you're not exactly mother Theresa as well. So I am very grateful, so

grateful, that I have a personal relationship with Him. I don't go to Church religiously, or follow religious practices quite often, and it pains me to admit that I haven't prayed in a very long time. I didn't realize that typing about is harder than I thought.  It's getting harder and harder to breathe, suddenly I feel disgusted about myself, I feel like my heart is beating quite fast, like I'm guilty of a terrible crime. I hate that I can't find it in myself to come back to Him any time soon. I just feel like I'm in too deep with my demons.

Funny thing is, I remember back then, when my innocence was still intact, I use to pray to Him every time I'm in a situation I can't seem to get out of. Like every time I feel like giving up, He was the only one that could make me feel better. Like a kid's security blanket. Praying simply ends all my nightmares. He was always there. I'm sure there's a psychological explanation why I feel comforted after speaking with Him, like it helps when you formulate your problems in your brain and consciously talk things through, but I don't care about that, what's important for me is that I got through the night. And whether or not Science has something to do with it, I don't really care. Because I chose Faith.

All things said, I do enjoy the occasional ridicule from non-believers. I find it funny. It amuses me as long as it's witty and smart. I don't really put too much interest in cliched jabs or the trite insults merely because it's boring. Not worth the time. It just has to be funny, and somewhat objective. Something that could make you go, "Oh yeah, the Bible might be wrong about that, oh well". 

Bottom line is, I miss being religious. I miss not eating meat during Lenten season. I miss getting excited going to mass to hear the homily. I miss wanting to fall in line for the ostia, I miss the long talks with God. Somehow I wish I can still believe in the Faith unconditionally. 

Pero alam ko sa sarili ko na mahal ko parin ang Diyos ko. Utang na loob ko din yun sa lahat ng pagkakataong pinatulog niya kong malinis ang konsensya. He is the best God in my opinion. I will come back to Him eventually. I just hope He's still there when that time comes. Because I never did feel like I abandoned Him completely. He is still the conscience I feel whenever I'm going astray. He is still someone I think of when the load gets a little too hard to bear. 

So ayun, magsisimba kami bukas. ACTS. Adoration, Contrition, Thanksgiving, at Supplementation. Sabi ko sanyo kinabisa ko lahat ng terms e. Sana magkaroon ako ng lakas ng loob sundin ang mga 'to sa dasal ko. Ang dami kong bagay na dapat ipagpasalamat. Ipagpasalamat na pinalaki ako ng mga magulang kong Kristiyano. Wala masyadong hassle. Hehe, hindi stressful. Masaya. Bagay na bagay sa pagiging Pinoy. 

Sa kasamaang palad, dahil sa structure at sa maling persepsyon ng ilan nating mga kababayan, nakukulong yung isip nila sa mga ideolohiyang napaglipasan na ng panahon. Mga bagay na hindi na "convenient" sa panahong ngayon. Lalo na yung mga mejo bobong tao, kadalasan yung mga mejo me edad na, yung mga mejo sumisipsip na kay San Pedro. Sana lang respeto parin yung manaig. Respeto at bukas na kaisipan. 

Because if we're really gonna think about it, Religion was indeed an effective tool in our getting colonized by the Spaniards. And we all know how it turned out for us. But we still decided to believe in God. Even if the ones who brought the religion in the first place abused us in any way possible. I don't really understand how it happened, maybe because the clergymen back then were white and we just decided to fall under their spell again I dunno. Colonial mentality is a bitch in all eras.  

Pero diba? sa pagkakatanda ko, Wisdom was one of the 7 gifts of the Holy Spirit (shhiiet, tanda ko pa, sabi ko sanyo e ano ha) teka, Wisdom, Piety, Fortitude, Awe in the Lord, Understanding and Knowledge...bat 6 lang to.... aaah, na memental ako. Ayan bobo na ko. Nasan na ba ko, Ayun na nga. Sana mahanap natin sa sarili natin intindihin mabuti ang mga mensahe bago isabuhay, o bago ito ipamahagi. Kasi ika nga, bulaang propeta daw tayo, marahil totoo, marahil hindi, kung tutuusin wala naman talaga dapat tayong paki sa kung anong sektor ka ng Kristyanismo e. (O kung san kang relihiyon nabibilang)

Wala ng pilitan pls. Hindi naman to networking e. Basta magkaisa nalang tayo na para pumunta ka sa langit, kelangan mong tanggapin si Jesus Christ (o kung sino man ang Diyos mo) sa puso mo. Tingin ko yun naman ang importante talaga e, kasi sunod sunod na yun. Kung buo ang paniniwala mo sa kanya at alam mong pagaari ka niya, tuloy tuloy na yun. Tiwala lang. Maniwala ka lang.

Basta ako lab ko si Lord. At Roman Catholic ang ilalagay ko sa mga fini-fill-upan na forms. maikli lang, dali ispell. Hindi talaga hassle.

Buhay Burgis

Bigla ko lang naalala yung klasmeyt kong "cultured", yung tipong napalaking sheltered ng magulang at mahilig sa mga bagay na mapapa "huh? ano daw?" ka nalang. Naalala ko nung merong nakasulat na "bourgeois" sa blackboard, tapos kitang kita ko sa mukha nya, na inaantay nya ung titser na i-pronounce. Tapos ayun na nga, nung binasa ni maam, "bur-gis" nya binasa, tapos biglang tumawa ng pailalim yung kaklase ko! Sabi na e, me pagka-know-it-all talaga ung unggoy na yun. Bur-gis naman talaga ang Tagalog ng bourgeois, pero siyempre, mas masarap para kay klasmeyt na maliitin yung pag ka-jologs ni titser. Pandagdag ego nya din yun. Buti pa siya alam niya i-pronounce yung bourgeois ng tama, matalino siguro talga siya. 

So that leads me to my new rant post. I was just thinking about how fortunate I am to have grown in a bourgeois environment. Just to be clear, I always thought that the term refers to someone who belongs to the MIDDLE CLASS and not the UPPER CLASS. I'm still not sure about what it really means though, I googled it and it generated tons of definitions I really don't have time to read about. 

Yes, I can consider myself as a middle class citizen... in the Philippines. 
I'm still climbing the social ladder to get to that position here in Canada. Fuck, being a third-world immigrant in a first-world country sucks.

How can we measure someone's social status though? What are the requirements? Does it follow a certain point or rewards system? I dunno, and I don't think it matters at all. Because I think you're the only one who can determine which class you belong to. 

In retrospect, I remember my Christian Living teacher telling us how everyone in his class are considered "rich". He said if we are lucky enough to eat 3-4 times a day, live in a house made of concrete, study in an actual school and wear multiple clothing, then, we are in fact richer than the majority of the people in the world. It is true in a way. That was the first time I put much emphasis on the social classes in the Philippines. I became aware of its presence and its reality. 

I feel like I belong to this class primarily because I am able to enjoy the basic necessities in life. Food, shelter, clothing, smart phones, wifi router... but these weren't served on a silver platter. We had to work together for it. We have to patiently wait to achieve these things.

Hindi ko naranasan ma-spoon fed ng mga magulang ko. At hindi ko rin ma-imagine ang buhay ko kung ginawa nila sakin yun. Kelangan may honor muna ako bago ako humiling ng laruan, o makakain sa labas. Kelangan kong humingi ng permiso para buksan ang ercon. Yung makokonsensya pa ko ng sobra sobra kapag bibili ako ng mga gamit lagpas ng P500. 

Kung nakakarelate ka, congrats, isa kang pag-asa ng bayan. Tayo kasi yung totoong PILIPINO, tayo yung nakaranas ng HIRAP at SARAP ng buhay sa Pinas. 

I believe that the middle class still has the best chance of making the country great again. Mainly because we get to experience the both sides of the extremes. We know exactly what the problem is because we had to live through them. We experienced the Filipino life first-hand. And that allows us to feel sympathy towards the ones who are only living on either ends. 

Saulado natin ang totoong ibig sabhin ng pagtiya-tiyaga. Yung pag-tanggi sa yaya ng mga tropa kapag kakain sa labas, kapag bente nalang yung laman ng wallet mo. Tipong "Busog ako e" "Libre mo ba?" ayan, mga linyahan.  Sa parehong paraang alam din natin kung paano manlibre ng tropa kasi naiintindhan natin ang sitwasyon niya. Nagtiya-tiyaga tayo sa init ng araw kakapila para mag-enroll, o mag-pasa ng resume, o mag ayos ng SSS, o ng lisensya. Higit sa lahat, alam natin kung paano sumakay ng jeep. Magcommute. Alam natin ang kalakaran sa kalsada. Talent mong sumakay sa estribo ng jip, o sa likod ni mamang tricycle, me kakayahan tayong tiisin ang anghit ni manong kasi nga middle class tayo. Natuto tayong mag-tiis at dahil dun, hindi tayo mareklamo sa mga maliliit na bagay. Kaya nating palagpasin ang mga kakulangan at intindihin ang sitwasyon.

Dahil middle class tayo,  marunong tayong makiramdam, maging sensitibo. Tayo yung nakapag-aral sa isang "patas" na skul, kung saan hindi natin kelangan mag-ingles habang nabili ng karyoka sa tapat, o mag payabangan ng brand ng step-in. Marunong tayong makisalamuha sa mga karaniwang mamamayan.

Hindi problema satin ang makipag bonding sa mga tindera ng yosi sa kalsada, o makipagbiruan sa mga magtataho. Kaya nating hulihin ang loob ng mga mahihirap nating kababayan at iparamdam sa kanila na pantay pantay lang tayo. 

Sa parehong paraan na me kakayahan tayong makipag plastikan sa mga nakikilala natin sa club, o sa mga social gathering sa hotel, o makipag-converse sa mga socialite sa Ayala.

It is something to be proud of, knowing that you can reach the sky and yet keep your feet on the ground.

Dahil middle class ka, alam mo ang pakiramdam ng ma-erconan at ang pakiramdam ng paypayan. Hindi mo lang basta basta lalaitin ang kapangitan ng Pinas, dahil alam mo rin ang kagandahan nito. 

Nakapasok ka sa Solaire (nakapasok lang), naranasan mong mag-hotel, o mag-boracay, o sumakay ng eroplano. Meron kang mga branded na damit sa aparador mo, nakakaorder ka sa Yellowcab through DELIVERY! (naka linya!), mag-Valkyrie, me smartphone ka na hindi Cherry o Myphone. 

Sa kabilang banda, solb ka narin naman sa SM malls, o Robinson's, o kung nagtitipid ka talaga, Waltermart, o kung napagutusan ka lang ni maam , Puregold. Kumportable ka sa Islander mong tsinelas. Sapat narin sayo na kumain sa turo-turo, Solb ka narin sa ice-tubig, makipaginuman sa kanto, maging totoong Pilipino. Naranasan mo ang paraiso at ang impiyerno sa Pinas.

Kung tatanungin mo ko, hindi ko talaga maconsider na purong Pinoy yung mga sobrang mayayaman sa Pinas. Yung mga bata sa Greenhills na hindi man lang alam kung ano ang tabo (True story). Hindi rin naman siguro nila gustong maconsider na True Pinoy. Kung tutuusin yung mga sobrang yaman naman satin e mga half din naman, kaya di mo rin sila masisi. 

Don't get me wrong, there are several rich Filipinos who are genuinely patriotic, and I absolutely adore them. Inspired by them. They make me feel like I'm not alone in "proving" the Philippines is still worth fighting for.

Now that I am living the simple life in Canada, where everything seems to be convenient, where everything seems to be "attainable", I am happy that I was able to experience the bourgeois lifestyle back home. That life taught me how to be persistent and patient. It made me appreciate where I am now, mentally. It humbles the fuck out of me. I also learned how to disregard all negative perception about our country from the "richer" Filipino community here. I just feel like they don't really know what they're talking about. Besides, I don't really see the point why they had to talk trash about the Philippines, I mean, they already left. What made them think their opinion still matters? I don't really understand that part, but for everyone who never lost their faith in the Filipino way, I salute you, may you never lose the thrill in riding back-ride on a tricycle habang nilalanghap ang anghit ni manong.