The thing is, before I write something that may incriminate them, I just wanna state that I was never a normal kid. I didn't exactly follow the rules when I was young, and even today. I wasn't a rebel in the very sense of the word, I'm actually quite the opposite. I was straight up, the golden boy during my childhood. And of course, eventually, I turned out to be the fucked-up, slightly sociopathic, jerk who writes about shits all the time.
But that's the thing. My parents have NOTHING to do with who or what I turned out today. Because if you're gonna ask me, they did a pretty great job in raising both me and my brother.
I have no idea how this turned out to be a pretentious disclaimer, because I just really wanna talk about the... the fuck? Ano nga bang English ng utang na loob?
Sabi ng Google, "indulgence" daw ang English translation, pero parang hindi naman. Kung sabagay isang kalabisan naman talaga kung susuriin mabuti ang pagkakaroon ng utang na loob sa isang tao. Eto yung "sobra" na hinding hindi mababayaran ng sakto. Ang utang na loob ay walang obhektibong sukat. Nakasalalay ito sa persepyon ng inutangan ng loob, at sa nagpautang ng loob.
This is maybe the reason why I had to preface with the topic of family, because parents, or any family member are always your introduction to the dilemma that is utang na loob.
Dilemma because you're going to ask yourself along the way if they are truly entitled to be repaid for the things that they have done for you, which in the first place, are their obligation, They were able to send you to school, worked really hard for your tuition, provided food on the table, clothes, roof over your head, and all the basic necessities. Things you're entitled to, the moment they decided to fuck without a condom.
Hindi mo to maiisip kapag bata ka pa e, nung mga panahong palamunin ka pa. Yung pakiramdam mong obligasyon talaga nila na arugain, at palakihin ka. Me mga eksena pang, "Hindi ko naman ginustong mabuhay sa mundong to." pati yung "Kasalanan niyo yan, ginawa gawa niyo ko, tapos hindi niyo ko mabigyan-bigyan ng Iphone 9s42dvd5." Eto yung mga linyahang pakiramdam ko nasabi natin lahat nung bata pa tayo. Pakiramdam ko lahat dumaan dito e nung mga bandang Grade 6 to 1st year. Tangina ka naman kung hanggang ngayon ganyan parin yung datingan mo. Ang kapal ng mukha mo, kasing kapal na ng kalyo ng tatay mo sa kakatrabaho, o ng listahan ng utang ng nanay mo mabigay lang yang luho mo.
Bago mo sabihin yan, na hindi mo namang ginusto mabuhay sa mundong to, isipin mo muna lahat ng mga karanasang hindi mo makalimutan sa sobrang saya. Yung mga pagkaing masasarap na natikman mo. Yung mga inuman niyo ng barkada. O yung mga tawanan niyo hanggang madaling araw. Isipin mo mabuti, pinagsisisihan mo bang naranasan mo yung mga yon? Maipagpapalit mo ba?
You can't have it both ways. You can't be ungrateful for your life and still be glad that you have lived. That's not how it works for a rational adult.
Going back, do you think that you are obligated to repay their "kindness" when the time comes? I think we do. But I hated the phrase utang na loob ever since. I hate it when it is being brought up in a situation. Yung kailangan pang i-sumbat. This doesn't just go out to a family setting. This could also be for a friend, o sa kapit-bahay, o sa katrabaho, o sa kahit na sinong me ginawang mabuti sayo at umaasang babawian mo balang araw.
Don't get me wrong, gratitude is a virtue that everyone should put to heart. What I hate is the expectation that you have to return the favor, the fact that someone's goodwill is used as a weapon to force you to do the same. Something to be used for a convenient time. The sincerity of the good deed deteriorates and that kinda ruins your perception towards the kindness that you received.
In short, hindi bukal sa loob. Masakit din na hindi pala kampante yung taong nagpautang ng loob na me kusa ka na ibalik yung pabor. Pero kahit pa mali na isumbat niya sayo ung kabutihang ginawa niya, and ending e ikaw din yung talo. Kasi dahil malinis ang konsensya mo, ramdam mo sa sarili mo na obligasyon mo talagang bayaran siya kahit anong mangyari. Lalo pa't malaki ang naitulong niya sayo. Iba kasi kung pera lang ang inutang e, o bagay, pero kung eto, utang na loob, pahirapan yan.
This dilemma gets harder and harder as you grow up. Especially when it comes to your family. When you start becoming an adult yourself. When you realize you are more than capable of returning the favor, paying the so-called personal debts. This is the time when you realize you have to work for your parents now, and not the other way around. That you have to provide them the things that will make them happy the same way they made you happy a while back.
I wonder if this is something only Filipinos experience. Since we have very strong family ties, we will forever feel obligated to take care of our families, no matter what the circumstances are. We just do. Whether they instructed us to do so, whether we hate it or not. We submit to our cultural values. No questions asked.
Not that I'm complaining, I have always wanted to repay my parents for their generosity. I have always wanted to reward them in the best way possible. Because I truly believe that they deserve it.
Kaya masama talaga ang loob ko sa mga magulang na wala naman talagang kwenta, na nakakatanggap parin ng balik mula sa mga anak nila. Yung mga magulang na hindi naman nagampanan ng tama yung papel sa mga anak. Tapos sila pa yung mga may ganang magreklamo o manghuthot. Jusku sarap hindi bigyan ng maintenance ng isang linggo. badtrip.
As I go on, I realized all the things that I have said in this post are things that are already talked about time and time again. This isn't something new, or original. This topic has been rehashed in several articles to this day.
The best thing I can state now are my opinions regarding the matter. Lalo na sa panunumbat. My rule of thumb is to not do it as much as you can, unless the other person does it first, or does it over and over again. So I suggest you do good things to other people too, and try to remember them as long as you can. Para pag dumating ang panahon na pipigain ka niya at ipapamukha niya sayo na wala ka sa kinalalagyan mo kung hindi dahil sakanya, alam mo na may bala kang handang iputok sa sintido niya. May laban ka.
Contradicting no? Dapat bukal sa loob mo ang pagtulong, pero dapat wag mong kakalimutan na tumulong ka din para may maisumbat ka pagnagkataon. Kaya talaga dapat tiisin mo hanggat kaya mo. Dapat yung masasabi mong wala ka nang choice, sinagad ka e.
When it comes to paying it back to your parents or any family members, I think it all boils down to the extent of the situation. I mean it's gonna be hard to gauge, but maybe your returning the favor is not as bad as you think considering what they have done for you in the past. Take that in consideration always. If your parents are assholes, then you can fuck them up for all I care. You can do the opposite and make their lives even more miserable if you can. That would be highly advised but it's still up to you and your conscience.
Well, lastly, for parents who assume that they will be taken care of by their kids when they grow up, well... thing is, you can never be certain of that can you? Circumstances can change, people will change. Don't hope for the best, maybe expect that you will have to settle for less. Because, you know, you're not always gonna be the best thing that have ever happened to your kids. They will start having their own family eventually, and they're gonna leave you sooner than you imagine. This is an imminent possibility that you should be very aware of, since you did the same with your own parents. Try not to be selfish ok?
Whew shit. Pinagpapawisan ako.
But yeah, for future parents, please please please. You have got to think about yourselves too. You guys should save for your own sake. You need to get a house of your own. An actual life that you can enjoy once you decided to retire or something. Never be a liability.
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